Real Peep Facts

No Spatula? No Problem.

  I'll be the first to admit that grocery shopping when I get off work at 11 pm is not the greatest of ideas. Mostly because I normally haven't eaten since around 1 or 2 pm. So, by the time I get off work I'm starving... and more than a little tired.

  It is also possible that when I'm hungry and tired that my judgement gets just a little distorted. Which means not only do I walk out of the store with more food than I need (the majority of that extra food being bags and bags of cookies), but also weird kitcheny gadgets. You know,  the kind of things you expect to see on those info-mercials at three in the morning. I'm a sucker for those things.

  You have no idea how many times I've almost walked out with a hot dog slicer in the shape of a weiner dog or a pan that makes perfect brownies or a plate that sings Weird Al's Eat It.

  However, the only item to ever make it all the way with me to the check out line was a tempting little product called, Toastabags.

  This product is a nifty alternative to the traditional method of making grilled cheese. You make your sandwich how you normally would,  minus buttering the sides of the bread. Next simply put the sandwich into a Toastabag and drop it into one of the slots on your toaster. Perfect for the person who may not own a frying pan or spatula or is just a tad bit on the lazy side.

  The only reason there are no Toastabags in my kitchen is the price... Which was somewhere around $16.00 for only five bags. As lazy as I am,  I just couldn't justify spending that much for five plastic bags.

  My only other concern was that given how clumsy I am and my luck,  I would most likely succeed in melting the plastic bag and catching the kitchen on fire.

  However,  should anyone feel like getting me an early birthday present... Toastabags can be found at Hy-Vee. Hint hint.

Real Peep Facts

Real Peep Facts

6 Things I Thought About While Driving Home

  1.  Do you think Bigfoot manscapes before going on a date? And if so, how does he know when to stop?

  2.  If McDonald's makes a special shake flavor for St. Patrick's Day why not one for Easter. Peeps shake?  Egg shake?  Chicken shake?

   3.  If there were less street lights on the road,  do you think more people would pick their noses?

  4.  If I could clone myself would I like and get along with me or would I think I was a total douche.

  5.  Why can't wars be decided using rock,  paper,  scissors,  lizard, Spock.

  6.  People say seeing a Robin is the first sign of Spring, but I say its seeing that first stretch of road construction

How To Eat Your Peeps

  If someone were to ask you how much thought you dedicated to your purchases of Peeps,what would you say?

  Would you perhaps share with them the hundreds upon hundreds of different methods there are for preparing and enjoying those colored sugar coated marshmallows of yumminess?

  Most likely not.

  In fact, if you are anything like the other 17.2 billion individuals worldwide who enjoy a good Peep now and then, there are only three things bouncing around in your head when you buy a box of Peeps.

     1.  What shape you want your Peeps to be.
     2.  What color you want your Peeps to be.
     3.  How many boxes you need to buy. (Oh, C'mon son. You know that first box won't even last the car ride home.)

  Which is kind of a shame, because just  like any other food, a Peep tastes a million times better when it's prepared properly.

  For example: Would you buy a thick, juicy steak and just toss it in the oven plain? Of course not. You would add seasonings and marinades that would compliment and bring out the steak's flavor. You also wouldn't just toss it in the oven. You would put it on a grill like a civilized human being endowed with culture and properly cared for taste buds.

  Do you not want your Peeps to taste as good as your steak? Because if you do, you have to act like you do. Which means taking the time to prepare your Peeps properly.

  Now you may be thinking, "Prepare my Peeps properly? Of course, I want to, but between work and picking up the kids from basketball practice and interpretative dance who has the time?"

  I sympathize with you. I really do. This is why I've done all the hard work for you.

  In this post, I've compiled three of the easiest, most delicious methods for preparing Peeps out there. All that's left for you to do is to choose your favorite method, follow the directions and enjoy.

     1.  Caramelized Peeps
     With the promise of warm weather finally looming on the horizon, that can mean only one thing. Campfire season is fast approaching. And what is a campfire without marshmallows being toasted to golden perfection on the ends of long sticks.

     Now, are you ready to have your mind blown?  You sure? Okay... The next time you find yourself in front of a campfire with stick in hand, give this a try. Forget about the marshmallows, instead put a Peep on the end of the stick and get ready for some toasted awesomeness.

     Toast your Peeps until the colored sugar turns a light brown and begins to caramelize. Then just pull it out of the fire, cool, eat and repeat if necessary.

     Did I not say these were simple.

     2. The Aged Old Peep
     Many people aren't aware of the fact that Peeps and fine wine are very similar in one major respect. The longer they sit, the better they get.

     To properly age your Peeps you want to remove the plastic wrapping, but don't take them out of the box. Put them some place out of the way. Some place you won't be tempted to eat them... like on the back of your toilet or inside a kitchen cabinet. Now, comes the really hard part. You have to let your Peeps sit uncovered for 2 to 4 days. The waiting time really just depends on how stiff you want your Peeps to be. Once, they have reached the desired stiffness eat up.

     3.  Grilled Peeps
     So, this last idea may require a little effort, but if tastes so good. First take a cookie sheet and line the bottom with as many cinnamon graham crackers as it takes to completely cover the bottom of the pan. The next layer is going to be made from your favorite colored Peeps. Now, cover the Peeps in chocolate syrup, candy sprinkles and jelly beans. Finish with another layer of cinnamon graham crackers. Place another cookie sheet on the top to help hold everything in place then cook in the oven for 5 minutes at 325 degrees.

  I know by now your mouth is watering so why waste any more time reading this. Grab a couple boxes of Peeps get to cooking.

Surprisingly Not A Guy

  Today I realized something about my gender and life that made me want to bury my head in the sand and sigh.

  Apparently it doesn't matter how much money you make or what your position on the corporate ladder is or even if you are a noble peace prize winner... inside every grown man is a little giggling eight year old boy.

  This means no matter how proper and classy you think a man is, he will still smirk and chuckle in appreciation of the lowest form of toliet humor.

  Which is why I was amazed to learn the 'no farting' picture was not made by any of the males I work with, but instead by one of the few very patient females who work here.

  It seems the Vice President of the company had... how to put this politely... he had consumed something that was not agreeing with him and his poor administrative assistant was being forced to suffer.

  So,  when he left the office she quickly made up a new rule and a sign to go with it.

  I'm not sure how helpful her sign was, but I do know it made a lot of people laugh and is still hanging on the door to the Vice President's office. The best part of that is on Monday some of the companies we make parts for are coming in for a tour.  How I wouldn't love to see their faces when they walk by that sign.

5 Ways To Tell Your Boyfriend Is A Closet Wrestling Fan

   1.  You know how sometimes when you go out to eat your food is a little cold? Instead of asking the waiter to warm it up a little more, he power slams the waiter through the table.

   2.  After church when you are telling the priests and bishops how much you enjoyed the service,  your boyfriend is attempting to trap them in the figure four leg lock.

   3.  Instead of giving the 'good luck toast' at your brother's wedding,  your boyfriend proceeds to challenge your brother to a Hell in the Cell no disqualification grudge match. He might also drop the microphone.

   4.  The belt your boyfriend wears, you know... the one he claims to have bought in Texas, bares a striking resemblance to the WWE World Championship Belt.

   5.  Your boyfriend introduces himself to your friends and family as Captain Shiver.

6 Things I Thought About On My Lunch Break

   1.  Do you think leprechauns make wishes when the clock displays 11:11 or on falling stars?

   2.  Why do guys always have to put the toliet seat down?  Why can't women lift it up for us.

   3.  I find it strange that people who are against gay marriage love The Muppets. They don't want a man to marry another man but they have no problem with a frog marrying a pig. So... no to same sex marriage but yes to interspecies puppet love.

   4.  Do you think when birds look for houses they will say no to places that have too much bird poop in them?

   5.  If you accidentally walk into someone's butt are you supposed to apologize or compliment them?

   6.  You know how pregnant women get sick of people touching their bellies?  Do you think the Pillsbury Doughboy gets tired of people poking his?

Deep Thoughts at 4 am

Could you train a monkey to be a cookie stealing ninja? That would be so cool. He would have on the black ninja uniform and have a little ninja sword.  Like a shadow he could slip into places like McDonald's or bakeries and take all their cookies. He should probably have his own theme music too. Something actiony and catchy.

That would be cool.

Girl Scouts of America and Drug Cartels... Not So Different

  It has recently been brought to my attention that no matter how punctual I think I am for work,  the brutal truth is that on most days I tend to punch in with mere seconds to spare. Today... wasn't any different.

  What WAS different was hearing the hushed whisper of my name as I came out of the locker room.  The voice whispering my name was so soft,  I wasn't even a 100% sure if someone was actually saying it or if I was just hearing things. That happens sometimes.

  Turns out I'm not crazy... or at least not any more than normal.  I'm just not all that observant.  Across from the locker room was one of the women I work with. She was hiding behind a few stacks of boxes holding a brightly colored pieces of paper.

 
  Given that she was whispering and hiding. I figured whatever she had to tell me needed to be kept on the down low. So, I hit the 'Jackal Switch' and crept over to her.

  Three minutes later, we both went our separate ways. Her, with $20 of my hard earned money and me, with a promise that tomorrow I will find six boxes of Girl Scout Cookies waiting for me in my locker.

  With all the Cloak and Dagger stuff, I had to laugh. I didn't feel like I had just bought cookies so much as six boxes of illegal drugs. Crazy thought, I know. That is until you think a little bit more and suddenly realize how truly similar the Girl Scouts of America are to drug cartels. 

  If you think I'm kidding, check out all the similarities I

came up with in just ten minutes.

     -  Both, girl scouts and drug dealers are just little parts in a much bigger organization.

     -  Both receive large shipments of products that they must distribute through out their organization in order to sell it.

     -  Both organizations use people to go out into the public to sell the product.

     -  Both can be found standing in front of stores, on some random street corner or where you work or at your school.

     -  Both sell addicting products.

     -  Both make you pay up front for a product you might not get for several days or weeks.

     -  Both try to get you to buy as much as their product as you can, even though you may not be able to afford it.

     -  Both products are considered to be unhealthy by doctors.

     -  Both run into trouble when they start using more of their product than they sell.

     -  Both get paid large amounts of money by people just for a little taste of their products.

     -  Both sell products that are only available once or twice through out the year.

     -  Both organizations don't tolerate when some other group or gang starts selling in their territory.

     -  Both sell products that can make a level headed adult screech like a crazed chimpanzee. 

     -  Both sell products that can make you either very happy or very sad.

     -  Both organizations don't do much in the way of advertising. They get most of their business through word of mouth and referrals.

 
 

Misunderstanding Monday

  Misunderstanding are pretty common between people and occur due to any number of reasons.  Whether someone wasn't paying attention during a conversation or just assumed they heard what they thought they heard or simply didn't check their text message after auto correct got a hold of it.

  According to study conducted by the Wisconsin University,  80 percent of all misunderstandings occur on Monday. Which makes sense to me.

  Monday is your first day back to work after a fun and relaxing weekend.  You're still tired from staying up all night trying to catch up the last season of Game of Thrones  or sore from trying to dunk a basketball into a ten feet high hoop. So of course you aren't going to be a 100 percent focused. 

  Tonight while I was at work, I had a great Misunderstanding Monday experience.

  I work with this guy named, Donnie who looks alot like the character, Horseshack, from Welcome Back Kotter.  And for the last few days,  I have been trying to get people to start calling him, Horseshack.

  Now before you start calling me mean and a bully,  you should understand that Donnie is the person who convinced everyone at work to call me, Frogman. So as far as I'm concerned,  turn about is fair game.

  So as I was working on my machine, Donnie walks by on his way to the breakroom. I figure now is my chance to casually toss out, "What's up, Horseshack? ".

  I do... And he immediately stops in his tracks, slowly turns toward me and glares. "What did you call me," he growled.
  I looked at him slightly confused and repeated what I said earlier. "What's up, Horseshack?"

  His face turned the brightest shade of red and he got this little embarrassed smile on his face.  Then he said, "Oh. I thought you called me, Whore Sack."

  And then he just walked away shaking his head.

  How's that for a perfect Misunderstanding Monday.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

6 Things I Thought About On My Lunch Break

1.  Can you still get that Mama Mía song by ABBA on iTunes?

2.  I wonder if I know anyone who already has that song so I don't have to buy it?

3.  I wonder if its possible to make  Peeps from scratch. (FYI - it is.)

4.  Will toasters ever become self aware?

5.  Why didn't famous board  game company,  Milton Bradley ever develop a game based on the Saw movies. It would be like the kid's game, Mousetrap, but more messy.

6.  Do gophers know their naked?

My Ash Wednesday