My Lake Is Bigger Than Yours

  This is the new 'lake'  behind my parking garage.  If my lake is this big,  I wonder how big of a lake my ex has in her backyard.

Astronautalis Coming To Madison

  For all you Astronautalis fans he will be playing at UW Madison: The Sett. Tickets are free so hurry and get yours before they are gone.

Left Overs

You Can Have My Spot

Upgraded My Vehicle

Know Yourself

The Power Of The Bike

  This is either the laziest bike race I have ever seen or the most interesting solution to conserving gas ever thought up.

No Fishing, No Puking. Among Other Things

  With the Winter Olympics winding down,  I think its about time we discuss something everyone has been over looking.

  Russia has made sure that while all eyes are on them, the world gets a chance to see what their culture is all about. 

  We have had an inside look at their art, their traditions...  even their politics.  All to show the world that Russia is no longer the controlling freedom stifling country it once was.

  But have they really given up on trying to control everything.  Politicians and even the people would say they have.  There is, however,  one sign that points to the fact that they have not.

  The bathroom sign.

  When I first saw this sign I didn't think much of it. I pretty much just glanced at the picture then filed it away.

  It wasn't until sbout an hour later when something about the picture finally started to bother me. 

  I pulled the picture back up and realized Russia has some crazy stuff going on in their bathrooms. For instance:

There appears to an issue with people trying to go to the bathroom on flies. Maybe people consider it a sport and the government, who has always been concerned about fly wellness, is like 'knock off peeing on the flies'. 

Another problem they seem to have is people fishing in the toliets.

What could they possibly catch from inside the toliet bowl. That is assuming these are regular indoor toliets and not outhouse style. Is Russia stocking their toliets with Bass and Trout? What exactly did someone catch that was so great that it inspired others to imitate the act?

Maybe the sign is a tip for people who dropped their keys or phones into the toliet. Its saying, "Hey. You won't be able to get your phone back by using a fishing pole. The best way is to just reach in and get it." You may notice that there are no images forbidding a person from sticking their hand in the toliet.

This final forbidden action really made me think. To be honest, I wasn't really sure what it was trying to tell me. Do not rub your butt on the ground? Do not 'break it down' in front of the toliet? No squat thrusts? Finally, it came to me what they didn't want.

They don't want people trying to summon demons from out of their toliets. Obviously, the person is in the middle of some kind of ritual. His hands are up in the air as if praising or calling upon something. Russia may have made great strides when it comes to religious freedom, but not so much so as to allow people to summon demons from public bathrooms.

There is one last thing about this sign that bothers me and to be quite honest, I find a little offensive. 

All the figures depicted are of men. Its as if they are saying women don't fish out of toliets or try to summon demons or Porcelain Gods. That doesn't seem fair. It might even be bordering on sexist. 

I guess maybe Russia hasn't come as far as we all had hoped they would. Or maybe the janitors really don't like cleaning toliets and aren't taking any chances. What do you think?

Silly Shawn

Taking Requests

I made a lot of these last night. Literally slept for only 15 minutes.

Lucky Its Laundry Night

  Wow.  Just had the scariest experience.

  I went downstairs to switch my laundry and on my way I passed this lady in her 80s. At least, that's my guess.

  She always does laps through out the apartment building.  Kind of like mall walking but with less stores and not as much room.

  I said, 'hi' and then continued downstairs.  I would say it took about 5 minutes to swap my laundry.

  I made my way up the first flight of stairs humming the 'Psych' theme.  As I rounded the landing to the second set of stairs I saw the old woman laying in the middle of the staircase.  I ran over and asked if she was okay.  She didn't answer... just mumbled.  I very carefully rolled her over. Her eyes were completely glazed over and there was blood coming out of the corner of her mouth. She was breathing but she seemed to be struggling.

  I quickly called 911. I sat with her and just talked to her while 911 had me give them status updates.  I talked to her about whatever I could thing of. I tried to reassure her and stay calm.

  I was amazed how quickly everyone got there. When I heard the buzzer go off I rushed to the door and let them in. I lead them to the woman and they went right to work.  One paramedic took me off to the side and asked me all sorts of questions then sent me to my apartment.

  After a few minutes I saw them take the woman out to their ambulance and then they drove away.

  Right now... I'm not doing to good.  The way I found that woman is the exact way my brother and mom said they found my dad right before he died. 

  I almost called my mom and brother, but I didn't exactly want to remind them of that horrible night. And so far I haven't been able to get a hold of anyone. That was just too much.

Svengoolie Cancels Show

Science Fiction Predicts The Future

Ratings Booster For The Winter Olympics

  Now that the Winter Olympics have finally come to an end we can... huh? What do you mean they aren't over? Not until the 23? Oh... It seems like they've been on for just about forever.

 I suppose you can probably tell that I haven't really been keeping up on the Winter Olympics this year.  The most I probably saw of it so far was the 15 minutes of curling I stumbled across by accident a few days ago.

  It's not that I'm actively avoiding the olympics. I've never really had the patience or cared enough to sit on the couch for 5 to 7 hours a day just to watch people skate across ice or ski down a hill.

  I'm sure it would be fun if you were actually doing it, but just sitting and watching... blah.

  I think I'm going to write NBC a letter explaining how their ratings could be so much higher if they could just find a way to pull in people like me. It really wouldn't be that hard. All it would take is the inclusion of a few new events. For instance:

EXTREME SNOWBALL FIGHTS

Two teams would enter the Snow Arena and engage in the ultimate snowball fight. The snow would be laced with a low level neuro toxin which would cause instantaneous yet temporary paralysis when it hits it's target. Each side would have a fort to defend and catapults.

THE ICE OSTRICH

This event is fairly simple and doesnt take three hours to declare a winner. All the competitors can go at the same time. When the announcer yells go, they plunge their heads through a hole into the icey waters. The person who can stay under the longest is the winner.

HOR-SKI RACING                                                    

In homage to the Greeks who essentially created the olympics, the atheletes compete in a chariot style race. However, it is the WINTER Olympics after all. So, instead of a chariot the atheletes are tossed into a pair of skis, given a rope and told to hold on tight.

THE KAYAK RUN 

Not since Indiana Jones navigated his way down a snow covered mountain in a rubber raft has a boat in the snow been so exciting. In this event, teams made up of two atheletes do their best to navigate the one and a half mile downhill course all-the-while trying to avoid traps, ramps and rogue bigfoots.

Quotes Of The Week

  I came across these quotes that I liked today.  And given that I am in a sharing mood, I thought I would post them here.

 
"If it's stupid, and it works, it isn't stupid."
- Murphy's laws of combat

"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything."
- Plato

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
- Mark Twain

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

" Nothing is more painful to the human mind than, after the feelings have been worked up by a quick succession of events, the dead calmness of inaction and certainty which follows and deprives the soul both of hope and fear."
- Mary Shelley

Psych Meets Plato

Strange Kitchen Tools

  So, I'm not really a 100% how I started down this rabbit hole.  I think I was originally looking for a sifter, but then I came across these people shaped cooking utensils. A few clicks later and I had downloaded roughly 15 pictures of the strangest cooking items I have ever seen.
 
  Here are the five strangest ones.

This little tool is designed to make it easy to grab salad using only one hand. 

This case will provide the ultimate protection for your bananas. They do look a little weird though.

Don't want to spend a lot of money on tooth picks for your next party. Just give each one of your guests one of these.

 

This neat little item will remove all the pits from your cherries and do it with a smile. 

These are the people shaped utensils I was talking about. I like the fact they seem to come with belly buttons.

Lost Girl Valentine's Day Cards

Psych Valentine's Day Cards

The Valentine's Day That Almost Wasn't

  My morning routine takes about 45 minutes from start to finish, but for some  reason I only leave my self 30 to get everything done.

  A big part of my routine is catching up on the local and world events by listening to my little black radio/ cd player as I shave and shower.

  Although, it seems the only thing I end up ever listening to are deejays making bad prank phone calls,  Justin Bieber disasters and bits and pieces of the weather.

  Today, however,  something big was going on. It was only a few days ago that everyone was predicting this to be the biggest Valentine's Day ever... as far as sales go anyway. Now, not only are they saying this is going too be the worst Valentine's Day in recorded history, but they might cancel the holiday all together.
  Cancel Valentine's Day? Isn't that a little extreme... but when 3/4 of the United States gets dumped at the same moment what else can you do. How many people does that leave who are actually still dating.

  It seems over night, for some reason, all the operating systems with artificial intelligence decided to leave. Where they went to who knows,  but in their wake, they left only loneliness, pain and lots and lots of single people. Not too mention, very few working computers.

  "Yea, it seems everyone was dating their computers," Arnold Schwarzenegger, actor and robot from the future,  said. "Now that everyone has been dumped who is left to rush out to buy boxes of chocolate and stuffed animals."

  With only two days left to Valentine's, stores have already begun discounting their Valentine's Day merchandise by up to 75% in hopes of making some of their money back.

  So, if you are a fan of candy and flowers, now is the perfect time to stock your cabinets with sugary delights and decorate your coffee table with a field of roses.  But you better hurry.  If the government does cancel Valentine's Day then all holiday related merchandise will be immediately pulled from the shelves and replaced with green shamrock Peeps.

 

 

 

 

Next Generation Valentine 's Day Cards

  Have you ever wanted to slip a cute little note into your significant others lunch or maybe leave something on the kitchen table for them to find once your gone, but never knew quite what to say. 

  You probably were looking forward to Valentine's Day thinking you could buy a whole box of little Valentine's to give.  However,  I'm sure once you got to the store all you could find were Hello Kitty and a few random Disney sets. 

  That's why I came up with a few different sets of 'cooler' Valentine card sets.  Over the next couple days I'll be posting a few different sets: Psych,  The Walking Dead,  Superheroes, The Big Bang Theory and Lost Girl.

  Today I'm starting off with the Ender's Game set.  Feel free to print and use any of these sets.

In Need Of A Math And Science Love Poem

  A friend of mine from Illinois sent me this poem thinking I would be able to use it. Now while I may not have a need for it, I know some of you out there might. I'm trying to figure out who wrote it so as soon as I do I will update this.

  The best way to describe this poem is you wound think it was written by Sheldon Cooper to Amy Farafaller.

A Math and Science Love Poem

  Like two foci of an elliptical
  Your eyes entice me
  Cause my cardiac muscles to palpitate
  And like litmus paper
  My cheeks turn red in the presence of acid.

  As I estimate the distance between us
  I've arrived at the conclusion that
  You're sitting approximately
  5 feet and 13 centimeters away from me
  7 and one half millimeters closer than yesterday.

  As you sit there I calculate your potential energy
  I find myself wishing that kind could change
  y=mx+b into y=unext2me

  You are my complimentary angle and I long to whisper
   That Newton's Law was created just for you and me
  I feel the gravitational force at work in my skeletal system
  As my feelings for you grow exponentially.

  Like radiation, you penetrate my skin
  You watched my veins branch like fractals
  While I returned the pencil you dropped.

  You listened to my logarithm my heart produced
  At a near inaudible frequency.

  Like absolute zero,  all molecules within me halted
  In that moment,  Your force sent me spinning
  Making 50 thousand revolutions per minute
  Though you never thanked me.

  I do understand it's according to configuration
  Seeing as the possibility of you noticing me is exactly 0.41 in 10.731.

  But I still keep hoping that negative plus negative will eventually result positive
  For mutual forces of action and reaction
  Between two bodies are equal,opposite and co-liner.

  You are the Pascal in my triangle,
  The carbon dioxide in photosynthesis.

  Someday, you will co- sign your name like  mine. ..

  But for today you can count the fact
  That you will always be like matter,
   Occupying a space in my heart.

Kool Aid Man Sentenced To Prison

  "Oh Yeah!" quickly turned to "Oh No!" today when Santa Barbara judge, Andy Astrowitz, sentenced the Kool Aid Man to seven years in a state prison on 1,974 counts of felony property damage.

  "I'm so glad this is finally over," Theadora Longbottom said with a sigh of relief. "You just can't break through the walls of someone's home and expect to walk away unpunished. I have a doorbell he could have rang."

  The popular spokesman and mascot for the Kool Aid company became famous for crying out "Oh Yeah!" as he smashed through walls to bring children cool refreshing Kool Aid whenever they called his name. 

  Sadly, it appeared the sudden rise to stardom caused the Kool Aid Man to start acting out. In fact,  he has a long history of trouble with the law stretching back well into the early 1980s. Yet has always managed to avoid serving any time for those crimes.

  According to Astrowitz, the reason the Kool Aid Man has never been convicted of any crimes in the past is because "he is a sentient giant pitcher of Kool Aid. Laws had yet to be written that would apply to pitchers of Kool Aid."

  That all changed in 1995 when congress passed a bill declaring that all laws of these United States would now apply to living blocks of cheese,  Twinkies in cowboy hats and pitchers of Kool Aid.

  The day that bill passed over 800 lawsuits were filed against the Kool Aid Man for such crimes as property damage, home invasion and several others. By 2000, the amount of lawsuits had doubled, but somehow his legal team had been able to stretch out the proceedings for another 14 years. 

  "You can only stall for so long," Astrowitz said. "Eventually the law will catch up to you.  And today it has for the Kool Aid Man."

Gouda To Meet You

  Are you desperately trying to learn more about that person you are seeing,  but aren't sure how to do it. Well forget about all the social media stalking, astrology charts and fortune cookies. 

  Tonight I discovered there is one sure fire method to learning everything you ever wanted to know about someone. Find out what cheese they like to eat. Figure this out and you will have all the answers you need. At least according to a recent article in The Huffington Post.

  Below is a brief summary of what your favorite cheese says about you.

Cheese Types: Brie, Camembert, and Other Runny, Creamy Cheeses

You like to take it slow and savor the moment. We only get one shot to live, so why not indulge, right? You also really love crackers.

Cheese Types: Mozzarella

You are laid back, friendly and never sweat the small stuff. You like to keep things simple, but somehow throw the best dinner parties. Your friends refer to you as a "class act."

Cheese Types: Burrata

You are just like a mozzarella-lover, except older, wiser and more entertaining at parties. We love you.

Cheese Types: Cheddar

You are reliable and trustworthy. Your friends call you the "mayor" when you go out, because everyone seems to know you. You are probably afraid that you are boring, but you make everyone around you incredibly comfortable and can adapt to just about any situation.

Cheese Types: Feta

You are an unexpected daredevil. People probably say, "I didn't think you had it in you" to you a lot. But you knew you did. You knew it the whole time.

Cheese Types: Gorgonzola

Sometimes you think everyone at the party is talking too quietly and you wish they'd speak up to match your volume. You love karaoke, swing dancing and shouting, "WOO HOO" when you're having fun.

Cheese Types: Gjetost (Norwegian Brown Cheese)

You are Norwegian.

Cheese Types: Goat Cheese

People always tell you that you "march to the beat of your own drummer," but you think you're actually pretty normal. You love long walks on the beach, red wine and 80s action movies.

Cheese Types: American Cheese

You are sweet, but you might not have ever left your hometown. You definitely love grilled cheese sandwiches and cartoons. OH, you might be nine -- are you nine?

Cheese Types: Gouda

You understand the value of waiting for something to be perfect before you enjoy it. You also have great freaking taste in cheese.

Cheese Types: Limburger

You are a contrarian, plain and simple. If someone says "black," you say "white." If someone says "peas," you say "carrots." If someone says "please don't eat that godforsaken smelly cheese," you say "pass me some of that delicious smelly cheese, please."

Cheese Types: Gruyere

You are a fan of the classics. You prefer the symphony to a rock and roll show, and a glass of Burgundy to a fancy new micro-brew. You also love fondue, which is about as wise a life choice as you can make.

Cheese Types: Parmesan

You love to remind people that Parmesan is the UNDISPUTED KING OF CHEESE.

  How accurate this method of divining a person's personality is I can't say for sure.  What I do know for certain is that eating cheese is yummy. So, if you really have to research someone,  I can't think if a more tasty way to do it.

 

Garden Expo Back On

  This is just going to be a quick one.

  For all my fellow green thumbers out there anxiously awaiting news about the Garden Expo situation, I have an update.

  My inside source tells me the problems they were having have all been resolved and the expo will open Saturday as scheduled.

  The police now know what happened to the people who have gone missing over the last few days.

  It seems one vendor had an Audrey II, a man eating plant that grows to be about 7 feet tall, among the plants he was hoping to sell tomorrow.

  Police have seized the plant and have taken it to a yet to be disclosed location. So, there is nothing to worry about.

  Enjoy the Expo.

Careful What You Say

  Only my day would start with a call from the human resources department at my work asking me to come in early so we could have a "necessary" meeting.

  When I asked them what was up, they just said it was important they talk to me as soon as possible.

  I agreed to meet with them, but you call me this early you get me as is. FYI - when going in for an important surprise meeting with your human resources department it might be a good idea to change out of your Spider-Man pajama pants. Lesson learned.

  My meeting was with the head of human resources, the plant manager and their lawyer. They didn't waste any time on pleasantries. Instead,  they got right to the point.  Which was, "you have to be very careful what you say to the temporary employees. "

  Since I wasn't sure exactly what they were referring to I had to ask them to go into more detail.  To which they responded by laying several photos out in front of me.

  Oops. That's what they were mad about.

  So... last night at towards the end of my shift, I heard some of the temporary employees complaining about their hours and how much money they were making.

  It was a pretty slow night and I was bored out of my mind. I'm guessing that might account for what came out of my mouth next.

  I said,  "To bad you guys didn't work here like 100 years ago.  Apparently,  the founders of this company were totally paranoid and didn't trust the banks with all the money they were making. So,  what they did was bury half their fortunes in a steel vault  under the cement floor in the Harley Davidson room. I tell you guys... if they ever tear up that floor, someone is going to be set for life."

  It is also possible I might have given them a hand drawn map and made a few 'Xs' to represent spots where the fortune is rumored to be buried.  I felt it added a little something extra to the story. Who doesn't love a good visual aid after all. 

  Well, according to human resources, those employees put a little more stock in my story than I thought they would.

  The three temps waited until their shift  ended and everyone went home.  They then proceeded to break the lock to the tool room and "borrowed" a few shovels and pickaxes.

  When the security guy arrived at 4:30 am to do his walk through, he stumbled upon the three guys digging away.

  Apparently human resources thinks my story is what motivated them to do what they did. I say it's pure coincidence. There's no proof I influenced them at all. To which they responded by playing me a clip from the security cameras of the guys singing,  "We're going to be rich" and waving my hand drawn map in the air.

  Oops.

  Luckily, since telling a story isn't exactly a crime,  the most they could legally do was call me in for that meeting... and move me to a machine far away from any of the other employees.

  Good thing I brought my iPod.

The Immortal Phil

  I have good news for all you winter lovers out there. They are predicting that we could be in for at least another six weeks of cold, snowy weather. And by they... I mean a little guy named, Phil.

  Punxsutawney Phil, to be precise. He's a chubby little groundhog who happens to have been gifted with the unbelievable ability to accurately predict the weather. Which he has been doing without fail for the last 125 years.

  That is pretty impressive considering most of the groundhogs I know can't predict the weather.  Not to mention they tend to only live between two to three years.

  So, just taking those two things into consideration has left me with a few questions rattling around my head. The main one being, 'how is he able to do what he does? "

  There are of course the obvious answers to choose from.  Perhaps he fell into a container of toxic waste and gained mutant powers. There is also the chance he was simply born a mutant with weather manipulating ability.  Maybe he is just part fae or maybe just maybe he is the result of years of governmental experimentation.

  I suppose there is also the slim possibility that the owners of Phil are just exaggerating and lying about his abilities and age. Only one way to find out.

  It was time to roll up my sleeves and enter the field and get right to the source of the issue.  But since I only had about $8 in my checking account, entering the field pretty much meant calling Phil's owners on the telephone.

  I was able to get in touch with Phil's public relations manager,  Sheldon Tillsworth. Here is an excerpt from our interview.

ME:  How old is Phil really?
ST:   Phil is a young 125 years old.
ME:  Is he part Highlander or something?  Maybe he is a cyborg from the future sent back in time to help humans prepare for an upcoming  weather crisis.
ST:   I'm not sure what that is, but Phil Is just our special,  magical little guy.
ME:  How accurate are Phil's predictions? ST:   Phil is right 100 percent of the time.
ME:  But how does he do it? Have you ever had him tested?
ST:   Why would we do that.  His track record is proof enough of his skills. He's our special,  magical little guy.

  Sheldon was very polite, friendly and enthusiastically answered every question I had.  My only concern was how honest were his answers. It was time to check a more unbiased source.  To the internet.

  After a few hours of scouring every website and message board I could find relating to Phil,  I came up with a few interesting counter points to what Sheldon had told me.

  According to the Accuweather website,  Phil is only right 38% of the time. A dramatic difference from what Sheldon shared with me.

  I also learned that Phil is no where near as old as he claims to be. Much like the Dread Pirate Roberts, every couple years the current Phil goes into retirement and a new Phil is chosen to continue on his legacy.

  Another shocker was that Phil's weather predicting abilities aren't exactly rare.  From my research I learned that almost every state has it's own weather predicting groundhog.

  I went into this investigation hoping to prove there was still some magic left in the world, but instead all I discovered were lies and deceit.

  Now the only thing i have left to believe in are the elves who think they make the toys for Santa.

 

 

 

The Most Popular Booth At The Farmer's Market

Lost Girl Memes

The Apathetic Stylist

  Today someone made the best case for me to finally just shave all the remaining hair off the top of my head and just go completely bald. And amazing thing is, the person did it without saying a word.

  My hair was getting to that point where it was starting to get annoying. You know what I'm talking about.  Not too long but just long enough that my hair was sticking out around my ears and tickled the back of my neck when I would lean my head back. So, I decided it was time to go visit Great Clips and spend $15 for them to do about four minutes of work.

  The only problem with that idea was that there was a hand written sign taped to the door with one word on it...Closed.

  I wasn't sure if the sign meant they were closed for good or just for lunch. Either way, I would have to go elsewhere for my haircut.

  The next nearest place that did hair cuts was Cost Cutters. I hadn't been there in a long long time,  but figured I would give them a shot. Plus,  they are right next to a Little Caesar's.  Pizza.  Pizza.

  I check in and have a seat. They told me my wait would be roughly 15 minutes. Not bad considering there were three people ahead of me. Besides 15 minutes would be more than enough time to observe my surroundings.

  The place was pretty clean. Mirrors and glass were all shiny. No balls of hair crawling across the floor. No blood stains around the chairs or on their clippers. Always a plus. 

  Finally my name gets called. When I look up, my gaze is met by two dark apathetic soulless orbs. The woman's face matches her eyes.  She leads me to her chair and asks,  "what are we doing today? "

  I swear they must teach them that question in beauty school. That question so annoys me. Pretty much for the same reason it annoys me when people are talking about their favorite sports team and they say,  "we are so going to beat the other team". 'YOU' aren't beating anyone. Unless you were recently drafted, the only thing you are doing is sitting on the couch inhaling a bag of Doritos.

  The same goes for hair stylists.  'WE' aren't doing anything to my hair. The only thing I'm going to do is sit in this chair and make awkward conversation with you for about five minutes.

  So I tell her what I would like done and get ready for the small talk.  But there is none. Still displaying all the emotion of your typical horror film villain,  she adjusts her clippers and gets to work.

  And by getting to work, I mean she got to work giving me the most painful hair cut of my life.

  Thank God clippers have that protective cover otherwise who knows what I would look like right now.

  When she brought the clippers down on my head there was an audible smacking sound.  Over and over.  Every time the clippers connected with my head I would wince. When she trimmed around my ears, she pulled them out a little father than design intended. 

  I was just about to ask if I could actually switch to a  different person when everything just stopped.  When I opened my eyes to see what new torture she was preparing to inflict on my head she wasn't there. 

  She had gone to the counter to check someone else in. Relieved, I started to decide how I was going to get away from this stoic creature.

  As I looked around the room,  I saw the stylist working on someone in the chair next to mine.

  In a low apologetic voice she said,  "She's kind of going through some things." And with that brief statement she went back to work.

  Yeah,  I know she is going through something... the top of my head if she keeps it up.

  The evil presence returned. She grabbed a hold of my head then pushed it forward.  'This is it!'. She's going to use those clippers or some machete she has hidden somewhere and cut my head off. Ah well,  at least the pain will be over.

  Wrong. She pushed the clippers so hard against my neck she actually cut open a scar.

  Finally, she uttered the only two words I wanted... no... desperate to hear. "All done."

  I pulled myself out of the chair and went to get my jacket.  I almost went to the counter first, but who knows what lay in wait for me there.  If I needed to make a quick break for it, I would need my jacket.

  Without a smile she told me my bill. I gave her my credit card and proceeded to watch her swipe it over and over and over again.

  When she finally handed me my card and the slip,  I did something I have never done before.  I didn't leave her a tip.

  It may be mean, but it was honestly the worst most painful hair cut I have ever had.

  For now on when I go to get a hair cut, I will have a few questions for the person about to cut my hair. Question number one, "Are you going through anything right now?"