I have good news for all you winter lovers out there. They are predicting that we could be in for at least another six weeks of cold, snowy weather. And by they... I mean a little guy named, Phil.
Punxsutawney Phil, to be precise. He's a chubby little groundhog who happens to have been gifted with the unbelievable ability to accurately predict the weather. Which he has been doing without fail for the last 125 years.
That is pretty impressive considering most of the groundhogs I know can't predict the weather. Not to mention they tend to only live between two to three years.
So, just taking those two things into consideration has left me with a few questions rattling around my head. The main one being, 'how is he able to do what he does? "
There are of course the obvious answers to choose from. Perhaps he fell into a container of toxic waste and gained mutant powers. There is also the chance he was simply born a mutant with weather manipulating ability. Maybe he is just part fae or maybe just maybe he is the result of years of governmental experimentation.
I suppose there is also the slim possibility that the owners of Phil are just exaggerating and lying about his abilities and age. Only one way to find out.
It was time to roll up my sleeves and enter the field and get right to the source of the issue. But since I only had about $8 in my checking account, entering the field pretty much meant calling Phil's owners on the telephone.
I was able to get in touch with Phil's public relations manager, Sheldon Tillsworth. Here is an excerpt from our interview.
ME: How old is Phil really?
ST: Phil is a young 125 years old.
ME: Is he part Highlander or something? Maybe he is a cyborg from the future sent back in time to help humans prepare for an upcoming weather crisis.
ST: I'm not sure what that is, but Phil Is just our special, magical little guy.
ME: How accurate are Phil's predictions? ST: Phil is right 100 percent of the time.
ME: But how does he do it? Have you ever had him tested?
ST: Why would we do that. His track record is proof enough of his skills. He's our special, magical little guy.
Sheldon was very polite, friendly and enthusiastically answered every question I had. My only concern was how honest were his answers. It was time to check a more unbiased source. To the internet.
After a few hours of scouring every website and message board I could find relating to Phil, I came up with a few interesting counter points to what Sheldon had told me.
According to the Accuweather website, Phil is only right 38% of the time. A dramatic difference from what Sheldon shared with me.
I also learned that Phil is no where near as old as he claims to be. Much like the Dread Pirate Roberts, every couple years the current Phil goes into retirement and a new Phil is chosen to continue on his legacy.
Another shocker was that Phil's weather predicting abilities aren't exactly rare. From my research I learned that almost every state has it's own weather predicting groundhog.
I went into this investigation hoping to prove there was still some magic left in the world, but instead all I discovered were lies and deceit.
Now the only thing i have left to believe in are the elves who think they make the toys for Santa.
