"Oh Yeah!" quickly turned to "Oh No!" today when Santa Barbara judge, Andy Astrowitz, sentenced the Kool Aid Man to seven years in a state prison on 1,974 counts of felony property damage.
"I'm so glad this is finally over," Theadora Longbottom said with a sigh of relief. "You just can't break through the walls of someone's home and expect to walk away unpunished. I have a doorbell he could have rang."
The popular spokesman and mascot for the Kool Aid company became famous for crying out "Oh Yeah!" as he smashed through walls to bring children cool refreshing Kool Aid whenever they called his name.
Sadly, it appeared the sudden rise to stardom caused the Kool Aid Man to start acting out. In fact, he has a long history of trouble with the law stretching back well into the early 1980s. Yet has always managed to avoid serving any time for those crimes.
According to Astrowitz, the reason the Kool Aid Man has never been convicted of any crimes in the past is because "he is a sentient giant pitcher of Kool Aid. Laws had yet to be written that would apply to pitchers of Kool Aid."
That all changed in 1995 when congress passed a bill declaring that all laws of these United States would now apply to living blocks of cheese, Twinkies in cowboy hats and pitchers of Kool Aid.
The day that bill passed over 800 lawsuits were filed against the Kool Aid Man for such crimes as property damage, home invasion and several others. By 2000, the amount of lawsuits had doubled, but somehow his legal team had been able to stretch out the proceedings for another 14 years.
"You can only stall for so long," Astrowitz said. "Eventually the law will catch up to you. And today it has for the Kool Aid Man."
