Ratings Booster For The Winter Olympics

  Now that the Winter Olympics have finally come to an end we can... huh? What do you mean they aren't over? Not until the 23? Oh... It seems like they've been on for just about forever.

 I suppose you can probably tell that I haven't really been keeping up on the Winter Olympics this year.  The most I probably saw of it so far was the 15 minutes of curling I stumbled across by accident a few days ago.

  It's not that I'm actively avoiding the olympics. I've never really had the patience or cared enough to sit on the couch for 5 to 7 hours a day just to watch people skate across ice or ski down a hill.

  I'm sure it would be fun if you were actually doing it, but just sitting and watching... blah.

  I think I'm going to write NBC a letter explaining how their ratings could be so much higher if they could just find a way to pull in people like me. It really wouldn't be that hard. All it would take is the inclusion of a few new events. For instance:

EXTREME SNOWBALL FIGHTS

Two teams would enter the Snow Arena and engage in the ultimate snowball fight. The snow would be laced with a low level neuro toxin which would cause instantaneous yet temporary paralysis when it hits it's target. Each side would have a fort to defend and catapults.

THE ICE OSTRICH

This event is fairly simple and doesnt take three hours to declare a winner. All the competitors can go at the same time. When the announcer yells go, they plunge their heads through a hole into the icey waters. The person who can stay under the longest is the winner.

HOR-SKI RACING                                                    

In homage to the Greeks who essentially created the olympics, the atheletes compete in a chariot style race. However, it is the WINTER Olympics after all. So, instead of a chariot the atheletes are tossed into a pair of skis, given a rope and told to hold on tight.

THE KAYAK RUN 

Not since Indiana Jones navigated his way down a snow covered mountain in a rubber raft has a boat in the snow been so exciting. In this event, teams made up of two atheletes do their best to navigate the one and a half mile downhill course all-the-while trying to avoid traps, ramps and rogue bigfoots.