Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Happy Mother's Day
To my mom, I just wanted to say thank you...
... Even if you did blame everyone of your gray hairs on me.
Happy Mother's Day to all the special and caring moms out there.
... Even if you did blame everyone of your gray hairs on me.
Happy Mother's Day to all the special and caring moms out there.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Just Plane Fun
Okay, its official. The holidays are firmly upon us. Which means only one thing... travel. Whether it be by planes, trains or automobiles, a recent survey conducted by the Souffle Institute discovered that 75% of the population are going somewhere.
In my opinion having to travel by car or train is the way to go. Sure these modes of transport may not be the fastest, but at least you have some say in what you can do.
Cars, obviously, provide the most opportunity for freedom when it comes to travelling. The route you take, the music you listen to, the number of times you pull over and most importantly, the person who sits next to you is completely up to you.
Trains may not offer the same freedom that cars do, but you can still get away with quite a bit. For instance, you can get up and walk around whenever you want. And not just in your train car. You can walk from the front of the train all the way to the back if you want. Some trains even have snack or dinner cars in case you get hungry.
Planes, in my opinion, are the least fun way to travel. Pretty much the only thing you have control over is whether you listen to your iPod or watch something on whatever it is you use to watch things while on the go.
Also, You can only move around when they tell you you can. Which the last time I flew was for only a grand total of 15 minutes. Granted the plane had almost dropped out of the sky twice...but still.
Not to mention all the fun of going to the airport. That place is nothing but security checks, long lines and angry people.
If I can, I definitely try to avoid flying at all costs. Sadly, sometimes having to fly is just unavoidable.
That's why over the last few years, I have come up with a few tricks to make flying a little bit more enjoyable.
Things to do at the terminal
- Those conveyor belt/ flat escalators can be a lot of fun. As soon as I get on it, I like to strike the Captain Morgan pose and see how long I can hold it without toppling over. Another fun thing to do is wait till you are about half way across then just start running in place. After a few moments yell out, 'Jane!!! Get me off this crazy thing.
- Another fun toy... I mean tool... airports have is the motorized luggage transport. You know the little golf cart looking thing. If you can manage to find one of these with the keys still in them grab it. Whenever I can obtain one, I like to pull a toga over my clothes and just drive it around the airport like it is my own personal chariot, waving to people and demanding that they bow.
- Checking in can be fun too. While they are processing all your stuff ask them if that ufo has come back. After they respond with a confused look and most likely, 'what?', just keep talking. Tell them you heard a big ufo was spotted over the airport and after it left two people were discovered missing.
- Getting pulled aside by security for one of their random checks can even offer a chance for fun. Just as the person is about to frisk you, in your softest bedroom voice say, 'wait...wait...do you have protection'.
- Even that horrible purgatory known as the waiting area can be fun. Find a row of 5 or more seats then ask people if they want to play musical chairs.
Things To Do On The Plane
- Pull that inflatable beach ball out of your carry on, blow it up and see how long you and your fellow passangers can keep it up in the air.
- Don't like the person sitting next to you, that one is pretty easy to fix and have fun with. One thing I do is tell the person I'm sitting next to that I had some really bad mexican food to eat and that my stomach is so not happy. The other is to tell the person that when you drink you get really handsy then immediately order two drinks.
- If you see one of the pilots ask them if they would mind taking a breathalyzer test.
- Try to get everyone to sing, Row Row Your Boat in the round.
- If the person sitting next to you is really annoying, just quickly stand up anf yell, 'how dare you!' Then throw a drink in the person's face. You will get a new seat right away.
I have a few other suggestions that while fun to do... could lead to you being asked to leave the plane or being barred from ever flying again. So, I'll keep those to myself... except for this one.
- Wait in front of the cabin door, then as soon as it opens turn away, drop your pants and bent over a little and while shaking your half exposed sing out, 'Booty. Booty. Booty.'
Follow these tips and great fun will be had by all. Or at the very least, by you.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
The Loop Hole
So, here's a fun conversation to have with your boss as soon as you get to work.
Worker: Where am I working today?
Plant Manager (PM): You're late.
Worker: What? I'm not late. I punched in at 2:55 pm. I don't start till 3 pm. By my estimation, I'm really 5 minutes early.
PM: The handbook says, "Be at your machine and ready to work by 3 pm". You didn't get here till 3:03 pm. That's why I'm marking you as late.
Me: What's this handbook you keep speaking of? I don't think I've ever seen... a 'handbook', was it?
PM: You got a copy of it when you started working here. I suggest you go home and read it. You lose half a point for being late today. You may want to review how the punch in system works.
Me: You may want to go back to your office and remove that giant stick from your butt.
Okay, I might not have said that last part... Out loud anyways. But rest assured loyal readers, I was definitely thinking it.
In case you weren't able to read between the lines and put two and two together, the person who got in trouble was yours truly.
I know, shocking right. Although, I still don't consider myself as being late. I was punched in before 3 pm. So, in my sane and unbiased opinion, I was on time.
For most people, this would simply be a case of 'you say tomato / I say tomato'. I, on the other hand, was not going to just shrug it off, turn the other cheek or just bend over.
By the plant manager making such an erroneous claim, a gauntlet had been thrown down. Whether he meant to throw it or not. There it laid at my feet, reflecting the fluorescent light from the ceiling up into my eyes.
I felt like I was falling victim to the Ghost Rider's Penance stare. But instead of forcing me to relive all my greatest sins, the light was instead revealing all the evils my plant manager had perpetrated over the years in the name of profit.
This was no longer about merely bring accused of being late. This was about Justice, and avenging all the poor souls that had been wronged by this fiend.
I bent over and picked up that gauntlet. And even after I took it in my hand it continued to glow. However, now it glowed with the light of justice. Tapping power even i didn't know I had, I swung that gauntlet with the force of a 1,000 sharknados. As soon as the gauntlet connected, the plant manger flew backwards and crashed through a giant office window. I wasn't sure if he was okay or no, but from under all that shattered glass I could hear the words, 'forgive me' being muttered through the sobbing.
Again, sadly, none of that actually happened. That was all from a blissful dream that would come later that night.
In reality, we simply starred each other down for a few tense and uncomfortable moments then walked away.
I'm not sure what he was thinking about as he plopped into his big, comfy leather office chair, but my thoughts were very clear. I needed to find a copy of this 'alleged' handbook as soon as possible.
In case you were wondering 'as soon as possible' ended being a very long three hours.
I would like to say I snuck into an empty office and hacked their computer system to find the handbook, but all I really ended up doing was walking up to my supervisor and asking him if we really do have a handbook. We did.
Take note my friends, when you prepare to challenge authority, you want to keep your investigations as secret as possible. So, this time I really did find an empty office. Once inside I turned off the lights, pulled a blanket over my head and turned on my trusty Scooby Doo themed flashlight.
I love reading most things, but you put a manual in front of me or a handbook and my brain shuts down about 90% of it's functions. So, getting through this entire handbook was no easy task. I think I might have fallen asleep like five times. One time I'm pretty sure I snored. Basically, this is how the handbook was set up.
The first 10 pages were pretty standard stuff. They mostly outlined the consequences for skipping work, dress codes and the importance of the non-disclosure agreement we signed. (FYI - I also don't recall seeing or signing this either.)
The next 3 pages laid out what to do in case we have an accident that creates a giant mutant monster. There was also a page or two dedicated to dealing with ghosts of long dead employees and how to identify a Hellmouth.
Finally, it was in the last three pages that I found my Holy Grail. Under the heading, 'The Dos and Don'ts of the Time Clock' was this line:
'All employees must be at their designated work station by their scheduled work time.'
Needless to say, I was a little bummed about the plant manager being right about needing to be at my machine by 3 pm.
Ugh! I could almost hear his annoying voice now. Just repeating over and over, "Be at your machine by 3pm." Just the thought of it made me contemplate sticking my head inside one of the furnaces.
I re-read the policy again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. This time when I read it, I also had the plant manger in my head taunting me.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that what I was reading and what the plant manager was repeating in my head didn't match up.
Yes, the part about being on my machine by 3 pm was correct, but I didn't see anything about having to be ready to work.
In fact, its pretty vague as far as policies go. Sure, be at the machine by 3 pm, but what am I supposed to do once I'm there. Should I work? Should I preform puppet shows? Should I twerk on the machine? There are literally thousands upon millions of things I could do. Working apparently does not have to be one of them.
Armed with this new knowledge, I made my way to the plant manager's office. Stopping only long enough to buy a Rice Krispie Treat.
I stood outside his window for second and saw that he was on the phone. That didn't matter to me. I swung open his office door and tossed the handbook on to his desk. He quickly said, 'goodbye' to the person on the other end then hung up his phone.
This is the conversation that followed:
Me: So, look what I found.
PM: Okay.
Me: You were right. It does say I need to be at my machine by 3 pm.
PM: Did you think I was making that up or something?
Me: Doesn't really matter, because according to this book I just need to be at my machine by 3. It doesn't say I have to be ready to work. At least, that's what your precious handbook says. And since I did walk through my machine's area before 3 pm. I wasn't late.
PM: (Opens the handbook and reads) Okay, it might not say it, but it is fully implied.
Me: Nope, the handbook says on the first page that, 'these policies are to be followed as stated in the handbook and are not subject to interpretation.' Which means you may have to reprint your handbook, but for right now I would expect you to be a man of honor and undo the mark you put on my record.
And with that. I turned and walked out of his office. Did he actually take the mark off my record? I honestly have no idea. All I know is that on that day, I scored a victory for the every day man. The man who puts his pants on one leg at a time and now and then enjoys a few onion rings from Burger King, because they have the awesome Zesty dipping sauce.
Worker: Where am I working today?
Plant Manager (PM): You're late.
Worker: What? I'm not late. I punched in at 2:55 pm. I don't start till 3 pm. By my estimation, I'm really 5 minutes early.
PM: The handbook says, "Be at your machine and ready to work by 3 pm". You didn't get here till 3:03 pm. That's why I'm marking you as late.
Me: What's this handbook you keep speaking of? I don't think I've ever seen... a 'handbook', was it?
PM: You got a copy of it when you started working here. I suggest you go home and read it. You lose half a point for being late today. You may want to review how the punch in system works.
Me: You may want to go back to your office and remove that giant stick from your butt.
 |
| A re-enactment of the "discussion" my boss had with me. |
In case you weren't able to read between the lines and put two and two together, the person who got in trouble was yours truly.
I know, shocking right. Although, I still don't consider myself as being late. I was punched in before 3 pm. So, in my sane and unbiased opinion, I was on time.
For most people, this would simply be a case of 'you say tomato / I say tomato'. I, on the other hand, was not going to just shrug it off, turn the other cheek or just bend over.
By the plant manager making such an erroneous claim, a gauntlet had been thrown down. Whether he meant to throw it or not. There it laid at my feet, reflecting the fluorescent light from the ceiling up into my eyes.
I felt like I was falling victim to the Ghost Rider's Penance stare. But instead of forcing me to relive all my greatest sins, the light was instead revealing all the evils my plant manager had perpetrated over the years in the name of profit.
This was no longer about merely bring accused of being late. This was about Justice, and avenging all the poor souls that had been wronged by this fiend.
I bent over and picked up that gauntlet. And even after I took it in my hand it continued to glow. However, now it glowed with the light of justice. Tapping power even i didn't know I had, I swung that gauntlet with the force of a 1,000 sharknados. As soon as the gauntlet connected, the plant manger flew backwards and crashed through a giant office window. I wasn't sure if he was okay or no, but from under all that shattered glass I could hear the words, 'forgive me' being muttered through the sobbing.
Again, sadly, none of that actually happened. That was all from a blissful dream that would come later that night.
In reality, we simply starred each other down for a few tense and uncomfortable moments then walked away.
I'm not sure what he was thinking about as he plopped into his big, comfy leather office chair, but my thoughts were very clear. I needed to find a copy of this 'alleged' handbook as soon as possible.
In case you were wondering 'as soon as possible' ended being a very long three hours.
I would like to say I snuck into an empty office and hacked their computer system to find the handbook, but all I really ended up doing was walking up to my supervisor and asking him if we really do have a handbook. We did.
Take note my friends, when you prepare to challenge authority, you want to keep your investigations as secret as possible. So, this time I really did find an empty office. Once inside I turned off the lights, pulled a blanket over my head and turned on my trusty Scooby Doo themed flashlight.
I love reading most things, but you put a manual in front of me or a handbook and my brain shuts down about 90% of it's functions. So, getting through this entire handbook was no easy task. I think I might have fallen asleep like five times. One time I'm pretty sure I snored. Basically, this is how the handbook was set up.
The first 10 pages were pretty standard stuff. They mostly outlined the consequences for skipping work, dress codes and the importance of the non-disclosure agreement we signed. (FYI - I also don't recall seeing or signing this either.)
The next 3 pages laid out what to do in case we have an accident that creates a giant mutant monster. There was also a page or two dedicated to dealing with ghosts of long dead employees and how to identify a Hellmouth.
Finally, it was in the last three pages that I found my Holy Grail. Under the heading, 'The Dos and Don'ts of the Time Clock' was this line:
'All employees must be at their designated work station by their scheduled work time.'
Needless to say, I was a little bummed about the plant manager being right about needing to be at my machine by 3 pm.
Ugh! I could almost hear his annoying voice now. Just repeating over and over, "Be at your machine by 3pm." Just the thought of it made me contemplate sticking my head inside one of the furnaces.
I re-read the policy again just to make sure I didn't miss anything. This time when I read it, I also had the plant manger in my head taunting me.
Suddenly, it occurred to me that what I was reading and what the plant manager was repeating in my head didn't match up.
Yes, the part about being on my machine by 3 pm was correct, but I didn't see anything about having to be ready to work.
In fact, its pretty vague as far as policies go. Sure, be at the machine by 3 pm, but what am I supposed to do once I'm there. Should I work? Should I preform puppet shows? Should I twerk on the machine? There are literally thousands upon millions of things I could do. Working apparently does not have to be one of them.
Armed with this new knowledge, I made my way to the plant manager's office. Stopping only long enough to buy a Rice Krispie Treat.
I stood outside his window for second and saw that he was on the phone. That didn't matter to me. I swung open his office door and tossed the handbook on to his desk. He quickly said, 'goodbye' to the person on the other end then hung up his phone.
This is the conversation that followed:
Me: So, look what I found.
PM: Okay.
Me: You were right. It does say I need to be at my machine by 3 pm.
PM: Did you think I was making that up or something?
Me: Doesn't really matter, because according to this book I just need to be at my machine by 3. It doesn't say I have to be ready to work. At least, that's what your precious handbook says. And since I did walk through my machine's area before 3 pm. I wasn't late.
PM: (Opens the handbook and reads) Okay, it might not say it, but it is fully implied.
Me: Nope, the handbook says on the first page that, 'these policies are to be followed as stated in the handbook and are not subject to interpretation.' Which means you may have to reprint your handbook, but for right now I would expect you to be a man of honor and undo the mark you put on my record.
And with that. I turned and walked out of his office. Did he actually take the mark off my record? I honestly have no idea. All I know is that on that day, I scored a victory for the every day man. The man who puts his pants on one leg at a time and now and then enjoys a few onion rings from Burger King, because they have the awesome Zesty dipping sauce.
Monday, September 30, 2013
The Halloween Coasters Have Arrived
My favorite time of year is finally here. And in celebration I have been busy making up a few new coaster sets that definitely reflect the spirit of the season. A little fun. A little scary. And maybe even a little weird.
All these sets are available at etsy.com/shop/campcoaster
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| The Walking Dead Collection |
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| The Universal Monsters Collection |
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| The Psych Halloween Special |
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| SharkNado - Enuff Said |
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| Halloween Patterns |
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