What Happens On Halloween Weekend

  Hey look, it’s a Ghostbuster. Oh, and is that girl with him dressed up as a Sexy Stay Puft Marshmallow. Is that group of girls dressed up like Sexy Zombies? Huh, I didn’t know that could be done. Seriously, are those guys really dressed up as characters from True Blood? Those guys need to put their shirts back on, and someone needs to tell them drawn in abs are not the same as the real thing. Awe, I think the Little Mermaid just blew chunks all over that tree. You won’t see that in the DVD extras.

  You have to love Halloween weekend. The things you see you will most likely never see any other time of the year. Name one other day of the year you can see Pee Wee Herman making out with some woman dressed up as Sexy Captain America. I’m pretty sure you can’t, but if you can email me. I totally should be following you on Twitter.

  The story teller in me loves it. I could sit down and brain storm about blog post ideas for an entire month, and still not come up with as many ideas as I did just listening to my friends describe their weekend.

  Here's a little example of some of the things I heard. They tend to range from the not weird to the WTF! that really happened. One friend told me how she had $20 stolen from her apartment. She's pretty sure it was some guy dressed up in a gorilla costume. The thing is, no one knows who that person was. Another friend told me how he went to a party hoping to meet a woman he has had a crush on for a while. She told him she would be dressed as Gothic witch with a mask. At the party he found someone who looked like her and was wearing what he thought a Gothic witch costume and mask. The funny thing is, he spent all night hitting on this woman only to find out it wasn't the one he was hoping to meet. She ended up getting sick and couldn't go to the party. Another person who was dressed up as a vampire told me someone kept following them around and throwing holy water on them.

  I think the best thing I heard though was a friend told me she went to take the garbage out on Saturday night, and when she lifted the lid a bat flew out and attacked her face. Her face has scratches on the side and some puncture wounds where it bit her. I don't think I've ever known anyone who was attacked by a bat. I suggested maybe the bat bite would give her super powers. After which I watched as she tried to shoot webbing from her wrist. A little crazy, but by far the most interesting.

  It seems Halloween is a lot like Vegas, minus the bats and the fact that in most cases, you can still talk about the crazy stuff that happens. I know Halloween weekend is when all the adventure happens, but I am kind of hoping the actual night of Halloween yields a few stories too. If it does, I promise to share them fairly soon. And remember we aren't laughing at you, but with you. Except for the friend who told me he left his only set of house keys in his friends car who was visiting from Ohio and had already gone home. That was funny.

Mogwai, The New Mascot Of Halloween

  Last night while I was carving the likenesses of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers out of soap, I started wondering what is Halloween's main animal. It's mascot if you will. All the big holidays have them, don't you know.

  For instance, Christmas has it's flying reindeer. Easter has it's bunnies. Granted, some of them are a little messed up and cluck, but Cadbury takes good care of those special bunnies. The closes thing Halloween has is the black cat. Personally, I don't find anything spooky or creepy or scary about a cat. And honestly, I feel the fact that it has to be a black cat is a little racist. Why can't it be a white cat or a red cat?

  Anyway, as I began carving the Tommy, the Blue Ranger's legs, I tried to think if there were any other animals that were associated with Halloween. I came up with rats, bats, owls and a few others, but none really popped with me. Sure they make great ancillary mascots, but Halloween deserves a really kick ass one. And it only took three me three hours, a giant bowl of Macaroni & Cheese, two episodes of Just the Ten of Us and 8 bars of soap to figure out what that mascot should be. A Mogwai.

  I don't care who you are, anyone can see a Mogwai is the perfect mascot. I suppose there might be a few of you out there who don't know what a Mogwai is. Well, come out from that rock and let me share. Mogwai is the name of the creatures who look like cute balls of fur in the Gremlins movie.  If that still doesn't help, I'll include a picture somewhere on the this page.

  The Mogwai is the perfect embodiment of Halloween. Just like Halloween starts off, everything is all cute and fun. However, once it hits midnight and a ton of candy has been eaten, cute and fun turns into a pissed off reptile-like thing that just wants to run around and cause mayhem.

  There are a number of social aspects to the Mogwai as well. Guys, if you think walking through the park with a cute dog or through the mall with a baby attracts the ladies, imagine how they will flock to you when your Mogwai buddy starts singing and dancing. Mogwai are great with kids as well. Why give your child one of those Furbies that looks like it's on crack, when you can give the actual living thing. And Ladies, if you are single or your man isn't in an attentive mood, you can snuggle up to your Mogwai. I could go on forever, but I think I have made my point.

  The only problem is, after doing some research online, I haven't been able to find any petitions that would allow me to nominate the Mogwai to be the new official mascot of Halloween. In fact, there isn't really any "official" mascot for Halloween listed anywhere. That being the case, I believe that gives me the power and right to declare the Mogwai was the new official mascot of Halloween.

  What are you waiting for? Go get one. Tell the old man behind the counter that Jim sent you. Oh, and don't forget to pay attention when he goes over the rules. There's only three of them. Easy Peasy.

TMGEEZ: Paramount Announces New Friday the 13th Movie

  We at TMGEEZ Entertainment News figured it had to happen sooner or later. Just in time for Halloween, Paramount Pictures has announced plans for a new Friday the 13th sequel.

  According to Frank Mancuso Jr, who produced the original films and is slated to helm the current sequel, the movie picks up after Jason's epic battle against Freddy. Jason is back at Camp Crystal Lake and ready for an all new camp staff to terrorize.

  All those involved with the film, tentatively titled Friday the 13th: Jason Believes, swear this is not going to be your father's Friday the 13th. Mancuso promises many changes. All of which he is keeping a tight lid on. All that is except for one.

  In an attempt to build buzz over the new movie, Mancuso released the names of actors and actresses already attached to the movie. The first few names on the list you will make you say, "Cool, I can seem them in this." There are a few names you won't even come close to recognizing. Even if you IMDB them. The last night name on the list you kind of expect to be a nobody, but in fact, he is the biggest star in the movie next to Jason.



Mancuso wouldn't give us a picture from the film, so we had
cousin do it. He's still learning Photoshop. Good job, Mark.

  Fresh from his 3-D concert film, Never Say Never, Justin Bieber has signed on to play Dirk Stone, the camp counselor in charge of all water activities.

  "I know a million people just moaned at the name of Justin Bieber being part of the Friday the 13th franchise, but it makes perfect sense," Mancuso assured. "We figure all his fans will come see the movie, because for the first ten minutes, he wakes around without his shirt on. And we figure all the people who don't like him will come to see him get killed."

  It definitely seems this movie will have a little bit for everyone. Action, horror, comedy and a shirtless Justin Bieber. There is also talk that Justin will have two songs on the soundtrack.

  Friday the 13th part 12 is scheduled for a 2014 release.

 

Other Ways To Get Me To Watch the Debates

  I recently wrote a post about what it would take to keep me awake during the Presidential Debates. Basically, I combined the Presidential Debate with The Voice. The thing is, I began to realize that there are still a ton of debates left in my lifetime, and it's only a matter of time before I become bored with my current idea. So, I let my mind wander and came up with a whole list of different formats to be used in planning future debates. These ideas can be used for any debate. I just used Obama and Romney to fill in the blanks. I hope these ideas not only work for me, but also for you.

- Obama and Romney duel using Yu-Gi-Oh! cards
- Obama and Romney have a pie fight
- Obama and Romney fight with swords
- Obama and Romney dress up as giant Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots and fight.
- Obama and Romney must call each other 'slut' and 'ho' during the debate
- Obama and Romney have a Ro Sham Bo contest.
- Add Godzilla to any debate
- Obama and Romney take turns giving each other wedgies
- Obama and Romney conduct the debate as an improv show.
- Obama and Romney re-enact the poison wine scene from the Princess Bride.
- Obama and Romney take turns trying to shoot apples off each others heads with arrows.
- Obama and Romney throw lobsters at each other.
- Obama and Romney compete in wet t-shirt contest.
- Obama and Romeny have a dance off in Step Up 6: The Debates.
- Obama and Romney compete on the stripper pole.

The Origin of Sweetest Day

  Ah, another Sweetest Day come and gone. Of all the holidays, Sweetest Day is the most entertaining. And it's not because you go out to dinner or go to some romantic location or even the little gifts that are given. It's all about going to some greeting card store a few days before the holiday, and listening to all the other guys.

  "Stupid made up holiday!" or "I don't know why I have to buy her anything, it's not even a real holiday!" or the most popular "It's not even a real holiday! Hallmark made it up to sell more candy and cards." No matter when or where I go to buy my Sweetest Day card, it is guaranteed I will hear one of the aforementioned comments. Normally, I just chalk their anger or annoyance up to the fact that they are spending money on what they feel is a repeat holiday. I mean, we already have Valentine's Day. I mean, it's not like we have Halloween in October and Spooky Day in June. Although, that would be awesome.

  This time, however, the comments started me thinking. I tried to recall if I had ever heard the origin story behind Sweetest Day. For the life of me, I couldn't come up with anything. So, I asked all my friends and no one knew how it had come about either. Even the people working in the greeting card stores were under the impression it was a made up holiday. Having exhausted all my living breathing sources, I turned to the one thing I knew could answer my question. I looked to Google.

  Hello, old friend. All it takes is a few keystrokes and click here and there and ta-da. I have the origin of Sweetest Day. And all I can say to all you people out there who think Sweetest Day is not a real holiday and was just made up...well, in a way you are right.

  Here's the deal. Sweetest Day originated way back in 1922 in Cleveland, Ohio. It wasn't started by Hallmark or American Greetings or any other card company, but by a man named Herbet Birch Kingston. Kingston worked for a candy company, was a well known philanthropist and was known for giving back to those who weren't as fortunate as him. He wanted to bring some happiness to the lives of orphans, shut-ins and other people he felt had been forgotten. So, with the help of a few friends and a few movie stars, he began giving candy and small gifts to those he felt were in need.

  Over the years, Sweetest Day, originally known as The Sweetest Day of the Year, has evolved into a time for people to express romantic love and to show appreciation to friends.

  I may also surprise some people that Sweetest Day is not an officially recognized holiday throughout the world or even in all the of the United States. It's primarily observed only in the Great Lakes region and the Northeast. To this day, Ohio still is number one when it comes to Sweetest Day sales.

  So, there you go guys. The official origin story for Sweetest Day. I guess that means we have to stop complaining about that day, but we could start complaining about Labor Day. I mean, what's up with that day. Right guys.

Mitt Romney Style

  Before anyone gets all worked up, I didn't put this video up to make some kind of political statement. I just thought the video was funny, and I like what they do over at collegehumor.com. Definitely, check it out. There is also another video I liked but i will share that later in the week. Until then, I hope you laugh as much as I did.

Dinocroc Returns to Madison

  Fair warning people, avoid downtown if you can. Traffic around the lake is backed up for miles due to 'gawkers'. Oh, and probably the giant prehistoric crocodile headed for downtown.

  It has only been a few a months since all the construction was completed, fixing all the damage caused by Godzilla when she decided to take a stroll downtown. Everything was such a mess. It was so difficult to get around that I just avoided everything downtown all together. Which was super hard, because that is where my favorite hot dog stand is. Now, it looks as if things are going to get messy again. Whoopee. Guess I will have to find a new hot dog place.

  I'm not sure how far away Dinocroc is, but as soon as I get some new information I will share it with you. Stayed tuned.

 

 

How To Get Me To Watch The Presidential Debates

  Elections. Elections. Elections. That's pretty much all you hear about this time of year. Well, except for that one week when all the replacement refs were making those really bad calls. Otherwise, as I said before, it's been all about the election. And to be honest, I'm not really a fan.

  Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying the elections aren't important in helping to guide us into a more stable future. I'm just saying after a little bit, it gets hard to keep up on the issues. Election year is a lot like a school year. At the beginning you are super focused and pay attention to every detail. Which is easy since you are just going through a refresher of the basics. That's how I was at the beginning of this election season. I was on top of all the issues. It was pretty clear what all the candidates platforms were and what they wanted to achieve. Fast forward a few months, and now it's nearing the end of the school year, I am getting more and more distracted and confused with each day. At this point I am pretty much sitting in the back of the class doodling in my notebook. I no longer am sure what anyone wants to achieve or what they even care about. All I know is I need to catch up.

  Luckily, the debates were just around the corner. Yes. This will be a perfect time to catch up. I will know everything I need to know by the end of the first debate. Kind of like a cram session. I will spend a few hours absorbing all the issues and in the end I will be a political genius. I will be informed. I will be falling asleep. Yep, lasted like 10 minutes into the debate then passed out. Come to think of it, I did the same thing in school during lectures.

  There are only two more debates left, and I feel if I don't watch the whole thing, I will end up being completely lost and not being able to make a well informed decision. Because of this concern, I have written the people who are responsible for selecting the format of the debate, and made my own suggestion.

  I thought the Presidential Debate might be a tad more interesting if you combined it with the NBC hit show, The Voice. I know it sounds a little bit weird, but let me quickly walk you through how I picture it in my mind. I'm sure once I'm finished describing it, you will come around to my way of thinking.

  The debate starts with Obama and Romney walking down a long entrance ramp accompanied by music and fireworks. At the end of the entrance ramp is a boxing ring with two podiums at the center. These are official debate podiums with a slight twist. There are three buttons at the front. One is a green button which will allow you to deliver a one time low level shock to the other person. The blue button shuts your opponents microphone off for three minutes. This also can be used just one time. The final button is red and when pressed, causes guns mounted in the ceiling to shoot fireballs at your opponent.

  Once, Obama and Romney are behind their podiums the moderator, Carson Daly, welcomes everyone. The debate begins with a good old fashion, "Yo Mama" insult contest with Carson declaring a winner at the end. Next, the debate begins. Although, I think it would be more interesting if in front of the ring there were four chairs facing the opposite direction. In those chairs are the judges, you guessed it, Adam Levine, Blake Sheldon, Cee Lo Green and Christina Aguilera. They continue to face away from the stage till they hear a candidate discuss an issue they are with. That judge then turns around and says," I agree with you. I want you one my team." The winner of the debate round isn't who people think did the best job, but the one who gets the most judges on his side.

  The final part of the debate would involve Obama and Romney each taking a turn singing a song. America would then have a chance to call in and vote.

  At the end of the evening the person who wins the most rounds is considered the overall winner, and is given a certificate to Red Robin.

  As you can see, my idea remains true to the idea that a debate is a perfect chance for each side to present their views and for the other person to call B.S. I just added in a little 'flash' is all to help make things a little more interesting. Tell me you wouldn't watch.

 

Christmas VS Halloween

  It's no secret that Halloween is my favorite holiday. I pretty much tell it to everyone who will listen. However, today when I told a random lady at Walgreen's this fact, she responded by saying, "Well actually, Christmas is a little bit better of a holiday." Oh...No...She didn't! You can say a lot of things to me. You can tell me the government is going to steal all my money. You can tell me my bologna has first name and that it's O-S-C-A-R. Heck, you can even tell me you wish I would jump off a cliff. Perfectly fine. You tell me Christmas is better than Halloween. That is just not something I can let go. So for the next hour I held up that line and compared Christmas to Halloween to show her how wrong she truly was.

Christmas: If you are good all year, you get a present. If you are bad, you get coal. Pretty black and white.
Halloween: It doesn't matter if you are good, bad or fall somewhere in the middle, there's a 50% chance you will get a trick. And there's a 50% chance you'll get a treat.

Christmas: You have to get up early. Like at 5 a.m.
Halloween: Everything takes place in the afternoon or night. So, you get to sleep in.

Christmas: Santa is always watching you. Kind of Creeper like.
Halloween: No holiday overload is watching or judging you.

Christmas: You only get to give a few people presents.
Halloween: You get to give lots of people lots of little presents.

Christmas: You have to walk through freezing deep snow drifts.
Halloween: You get to walk through corn mazes and haunted houses.

Christmas: You wait for an hour in line with a 100 other people just to tell some fake possibly pervy drunk  Santa impersonator what you want.
Halloween: You walk up to someones door, say Trick or Treat, and get your treat immediately.

Christmas: An overweight guy who smells of whiskey dresses up in a red Santa suit.
Halloween: Every pretty girl in the nation dresses up in a costume that has the word 'sexy' or 'naughty' in the title. (i.e. Sexy Witch. Sexy Nurse. Sexy Teacher.)

Christmas: You have to go spend $40 on a Christmas Tree, spend lots of money decorating it and then you keep it in your house so no one else gets to see it.
Halloween: You buy a ginormous pumpkin for like $8, cut a bunch of holes in it and then put it outside with a candle in it so everyone can see.

Christmas: The decorations are kind of boring.
Halloween: Let's face it, the decorations are totally cool.

Christmas: We get one week of holiday specials that include "It's A Wonderful Life" and  claymation specials.
Halloween: We get 31 days of scary movies that include "Friday the 13th", "Halloween" and "Nightmare on Elm Street".

5-Hour Energy Shots or Zombies

  Everyday I walk through this ho-hum world feeling as if there is something missing. Something that will make the world more vivid and pop with color. Something that brings everything to life and fills the day with excitement. For the longest time I pondered this, and came up with nothing. That is until one night, while eating a bowl of Frankenberry, I finally figured out what life needed. It needs zombies.

  Yep, you heard me. The world needs some good old fashion brain eating zombies. What better way to feel alive than being chased by the undead.

  Look at it this way. Everyday you wake up, drive to work, sit behind a desk for eight hours and then you go home. Do you ever wonder why 5-Hour Energy sells around nine million bottles of its energy shot a week? It's because most of lives are so insanely boring that we just can't stay awake. However, there are a rare few times when our hearts beat faster, our brains start working a mile a minute, endorphins increase and we appreciate our lives 300% more than we did before. I know a lot of people just guessed that I am speaking of love, and those people would be terribly wrong. I am actually referring to those times in your life when you almost died.

An actual study conducted by real scientists

  The time when some whacked out driver almost smashed his car into yours or when you were trying to fix something on your roof and almost fall off or when you were mugged or...you guessed it, were almost eaten by zombies.

  If you add the possibility of being eaten by a zombie to your daily routines, nothing would ever be boring again. No matter what you do during your day, there would always be a chance you could be eaten by a couple zombies. Would that not make you appreciate life so much more? Damn straight it would. Going to the grocery store goes from a risk factor of one to a chart topping ten.

  The risk factor scale only goes to ten, because we would be using the slow moving zombies. The ones who you can easily get away from as long as you don't slip and fall. Fast moving zombies were considered at one point, but it was decided that 60% of the population wouldn't be able to get away. Plus, the fast moving zombies are just so much more expensive. By using the cheaper, slower model zombie, that estimate went down to only about 3% of the population not being able to get away. For the rest of us, we would just be appreciating life on a higher level.

  Also, just think about how much fuller you would live your  life if there was the constant possibility of being eaten. Traffic jams would cease to occur, entire work meetings would be completed in under five minutes and no one would ever want to stay late alone at the office. This would make more time for you to spend with friends and family while doing things you actually care about.

  Sure there is around a 3% chance you might be eaten. However, on the the other hand, there is a 97% chance you will live life to the fullest everyday. Call me crazy, but those are odds I can deal with. How about you?