Saying Good Bye

  Tell me... What are you supposed to do when your truck is in the shop being worked on and there is no possible way to make it to your job?

  I'm not sure what you would do, but me personally, I decided to take advantage of the warm weather and recapture a little of my youth by flying a kite with my girlfriend.

  And not just any kite mind you.  This kite was a kite among kites. Zeus, himself, wished his kite was as spectacular as mine.  With a wing span of 52 inches, string already included and the image of Spider-Man emblazoned on the front,  my kite is what other kites dared to be. In fact,  I wouldn't be surprised if all the peace and goodwill the world has been experiencing lately came about thanks to my kite.

  Now, while I chose a kite that symbolized justice and hope, my girlfriend chose to express her wild, predatory side by getting a shark kite. With teeth more than two inches long and a tail that seemed to go on forever, this was not your mama's cute little pink kite. This kite cried action and action is what it got,  because no less than an hour after buying these kites had they taken to the air... sort of.

  I'm pretty sure the first 15 minutes of our kite flying adventure revolved around trying to just get the kites into the air. They would rise majestically and hover there... for about a minute before they would come crashing back down to the earth.

  The kites also seemed drawn to one another and whether it was a good versus evil type thing or they were just star crossed lovers, I would say that they smashed into each other or the strings got tangled together at least 25 times. I won't even say how many times we had to tie the strings back together.

  Sadly, it was starting to look like kite flying was a young man's game. I was just about to call it quits and give in when suddenly this mystical wind from the gods came and grabbed hold of my kite and carried it up into the heavens. 

  No bird ever looked as majestic as my kite did at that moment. This is definitely what separates man from animal... the ability to fly kites. Seriously, have you ever seen a squirrel flying a Superman kite in the park?

  And as if flying in the heavens wasn't quite enough,  my kite began to show off. At first doing single loops which soon turned into double and triple loops. Occasionally it would do a short dive then pull out of it, but like all great performers craving the lime light, my kite started taking risks.  The loops became bigger and the dives became more daring until finally it happened. Spider-Man dove nose first toward the ground, I tried to pull back on his string but ever the showman, he refused to listen.

  I was barely able to mutter 'no' when Spider-Man vanished behind a row of town houses. Seconds turned to minutes, but there was no sign of my kite. Fearing the worst I began rapidly pulling in the string. The line was slack and held no tension which could mean only one thing.  My kite had broken free and was now at the mercy of whatever nature decided to throw at it.

  Not willing to admit or accept our loss, my girlfriend and I set out in search of Spider-Man.  It was getting dark fast and we knew we had mere minutes to find him.
  We searched for several blocks and even walked the perimeter of a large field.  Nothing. There was no sign of Spider-Man anywhere. 

  Had the wind picked up again and carried him back to the heavens to help fight for justice or worse, it became trapped in a.vicious kite eating tree that ravaged and shredded him mtill there was nothing left but scraps.

  I choose to believe he is still out there... Floating amongst the stars and seeking out those who need help and protection. That's what brave kites do and he was one of the bravest I had ever seen.

Good bye my friend. May you soar forever amongst the birds and the gods.

 
 
 

'Pop', Number One Reason Relationships End

  Recently, I have discovered how delicate relationships can be.  A number of my friends who I thought were in happy relationships have either hit rocky spots or sadly ended their time together.

  I suppose looking back I could see why a few of them ended. Telling your girlfriend, after seeing Magic Mike, you need to break up so you can pursue your life long dream of becoming a male exotic dancer or your boyfriend  you are done after falling into the toilet during the night for the sixth time because he keeps leaving the seat up, are pretty obvious signs.

  Some signs, however, are not so obvious. Do you want to guess what the number one reason for break ups is? (Pausing so you can make a few guesses. Go ahead. I’ll wait.) Well, a lot of you guessed the number one reason is issues stemming from not having enough money. Wrong! That was the cause the last few years, but the past is the past people. This new reason may be shocking to some and other maybe like, “Oh, hell yeah. That is so true”. According to several current polls and surveys, the new number one in destroying relationships is whether soft drinks are to be known as ‘soda’ or ‘pop’.

  I know it doesn’t sound like something that could cause a break up, but picture this. You and your new girlfriend have been out a few times to some of the best five star restaurants in town and things are going great. Which is a total relief, because your last girlfriend used to scream the words to random Frank Sinatra songs at restaurants then bang her head on the table five times then in an English accent say, “pickles” softly as she stood up to leave.  After leaving a late night showing of The Amazing Spiderman, you decide to stop at McDonald’s and get something to eat. You both walk up to the counter, arms around each other, leaning against each other, laughing and kissing every three seconds. Yep, you are the couple everyone looks at and thinks, gross…get a room, but who cares, right. You are in love and nothing is ever going to change that. At the counter you place your order, and the cashier asks what you want to drink with that. You say a Pepsi, and then you ask her what kind of pop she wants. Her eyes grow as wide as saucers and glaze over with disbelief as if you just went up and pimp slapped her mom. She stares at you for a minute then softly tells you the soda she wants is Dr. Pepper. And it’s on! The sickening cute and cuddly couple is gone. All that remains is one person screaming “POP!” and swinging a chair while the other person screams “SODA!” and breaks the end of a beer bottle on the counter.

  According to the Cruise-Holmes Survey, over 50 relationships come to a possible pre-mature end every month as a result of soda vs. pop. The survey also points out that 8 deaths a year can be attributed to the aforementioned same reason.

  What’s odd is that way back around 1809, soda and pop had a special relationship of their own. They were such a hot couple that just as we have Bradgelina or Bennifer, back then they were known as soda pop. You couldn’t read a newspaper or  listen to the radio without some mention of soda pop. Unfortunately, like all famous couples they soon couldn’t stand the sight of one another. Some attribute the break up to the pressures of stardom . Others say soda was messing around with water on the side and pop found out about it. And a small minority thinks it’s because pop “dutch-ovened” soda. Whatever the reason, the two have not been mentioned in the same sentence since.

  I have heard people ask if it is possible for their relationships to survive such a trial. Truthfully, I just don’t know. I hope so, because this beast has reared its head recently in my relationship. Am I afraid? Of course, but I think with lots of empathy, compassion and love, this problem can be overcome. And if that doesn’t work, I suggest dealing with each other Highlander The Movie style.

  The only real solution I think is to somehow get soda and pop back together again. Only once they are re-united can the rest of the world begin to heal. Amen.