Have you ever found
yourself sort of dreamily drifting through the day only to suddenly realize
not only has nothing gone wrong, but everything is going impossibly right.
You seem to find
large amounts of money in the strangest of places. Everyone at work brings in
cookies for no special occasion. You get a raise at your job. People whistle
and ‘check you out’ wherever you go. Dogs and cats bow at your feet. You swear
the air around you smells oddly like watermelon flavored Jolly Ranchers.
Casting agents want you for the newest soap opera. And you win every time you
do one of those instant win lottery scratch off tickets. It’s the perfect day.
And as you walk down
the sidewalk contemplating your good fortune, you happen upon an elderly
gentleman bent over tying his shoes.
Immediately you
freeze. You can’t believe your seeing what you’re seeing. This can’t be
happening. Not on your perfect day.
Moments ago you were
thinking of surprising your girlfriend or boyfriend with a romantic trip to Las
Vegas and how all you can think about is the old man’s butt crack that’s
pointed right at you.
Its not fair. You
didn’t ask to see it yet there it is peeking up at you. Mocking you. There
really should be a law about who can and can’t show their butt crack or what is
better known as the sideways smile.
For instance, when
your plumber comes over you expect to see the sideways smile. Its almost part
of their
uniform. You don’t, however, expect to catch your grandma flashing you
‘the smile’.
Here’s a list of ten
other people who’s sideways smiles you probably want to avoid at all costs, or
risk having to burn out your eyes.
1.
Your
dentist
2.
Your priest, rabbi, bishop or any other religious
figure. (Except for the Pope. I just think it would be funny)
3.
The President of the United States
4.
Your server at the restaurant
5.
The health inspector
6.
A cop giving you a ticket
7.
The greeter at Wal-mart
8.
A manure inspector
9.
Your mom ( Sadly, its totally legal for dad's to show theirs. For some reason.)
10.
Someone who is known to have bad gas
