I know this is a little old, given that is from season 6 and in one day season 7 takes off at full speed, but I always find myself replaying it. So, i thought I would share it with all of you. I guess it is just the nerd in me.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
The Camping Drinking Game
Let’s face it
people. Camping in and of itself is fun. It’s a great chance to get away from
the usual daily grind and relax with some friends. And yes, do a little drinking. It seems
everyone I know is either going camping soon or has already been. So with everyone
getting back to nature, I kind of wanted to do my part to make their getaway even
more fun. That’s when I remembered that while camping with my girlfriend, at one
point in the night we mentioned how there should be a camping drinking game.
So, fast forward to two days later, and here it is. I know there are other
camping related drinking games out there, but I like to think mine is a little
different. See in mine, not only do you take drinks but sometimes there are actions you must complete as well.
And with that out of
the way I wish you happy camping. Don’t forget to print up a copy or two of the
rules to bring with. By the way, for the next few weeks I will probably keep updating the rules. Cheers.
- Last person to get his or her air mattress inflated takes a drink. If you
only have one air mattress to inflate the person wearing the most blue takes a
drink.
- The person who gathers the least amount of firewood takes a
drink and must jump over the fire three times. If you have to buy your firewood, everyone takes a drink but the person
who bought it.
- Everyone gets five minutes to try and start the fire. If you
can’t start it take a drink. Keep going until someone starts it, then that
person can pick one other person to take two additional drinks.
- When someone says, “What was that?” that person takes a drink.
If they say it 5 times total, then that person takes a drink and has to go see
what was making the noise.
- Every time someone makes a reference to the Friday the 13th
movies, that person takes a drink.
- If you shine your flashlight in someone’s eyes, take a
drink. You must allow the person you just flashed to put one strand of hair off your arm.
- If you see a falling star everyone takes a drink
- If you are roasting marshmallows and yours falls off the
stick, you take a drink. Successful cook 5 marshmallows in a row and you may claim one marshmallow from any person you choose.
- If you see any wild animal besides a bird you have to call
out the name of the animal you saw in an English accent. The last person to call out the name of the animal has to drink and imitate the animals calls as he/she walks around the other camp grounds.
- Every time you walk out of the bathroom and exclaim, ‘OMG!!!', everyone takes a drink.
- Every time someone wishes they had a tv, everyone takes a drink.
- The first person to put a hockey mask and a jump suit on and
walk around the entire camp ground can pick two people to take three drinks. You may want to do your research before hand and make sure no one at the other campsites just came back from hunting.
- Anyone with green on their underwear has to take two drinks
then stand in the middle of their campsite and sing, “I’m a little tea pot”.- At midnight, the person with the most denim must take a drink.
- Anyone who seems shocked that there are wild animals in the wild, has to take a drink.
- The person who somehow manages to get out of cleaning or cooking anything has to take three drinks and bow down before everyone and say "I'm not worthy."
- The person who tries to steal other peoples beers (you know the person I mean right) when caught has to chug the stolen beer.
- Every time someone picks up a stick and spins it like a wanna be ninja, that person takes a drink.
- Every time someone goes to use the bathroom, drink until they get back.
- The first person to wake up must get the fire going or take a drink. No time limit this time, because if you are up after drinking so much, you deserve a break.
- Every time you check Facebook or Twitter from your phone, take a drink.
- Take one random drink at some point during the day.
- Walk over to another campsite and start laughing like an evil super villain for three minutes. When done return to your own campsite where everyone must drink but the villain.
- In a burping contest, the person with the weakest burp must drink and acknowledge the superior lungs of the other person in front of the group.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
The Segregation of Flavor
“You scream. I
scream. We all scream for ice cream.” For me this popular jingle once rang all
too true, but alas not anymore. See in all their great wisdom the powers that
be in the ice cream world decided my favorite ice cream was too costly to make.
I am , of course, speaking of the Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl.
This treat was once found everywhere. You could get it at any Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Burger King…anywhere you could find ice cream, you could find ‘The Swirl’. And may I add not only the best flavor ever, but also a symbol of how two races can exist in yummy goodness.
It’s been a few years now since I have had a Zebra cone as we called it when I was growing up. Now and then I will randomly ask some place I have never been to before if they carry it in a desperate hope for rediscovery but it always ends the same. “I’m sorry sir, we haven’t carried that for years.”
 |
| Harder to find than the Holy Grail. |
This treat was once found everywhere. You could get it at any Dairy Queen, McDonald's, Burger King…anywhere you could find ice cream, you could find ‘The Swirl’. And may I add not only the best flavor ever, but also a symbol of how two races can exist in yummy goodness.
It’s been a few years now since I have had a Zebra cone as we called it when I was growing up. Now and then I will randomly ask some place I have never been to before if they carry it in a desperate hope for rediscovery but it always ends the same. “I’m sorry sir, we haven’t carried that for years.”
And why haven’t they
carried it for years. My initial thought was because they suck, however I have
been told that’s not really a reason. It’s just a feeling. Well, if my feeling
is dumb, the real reason isn’t that much better.
Chocolate ice cream
doesn’t get ordered as much as vanilla and it is more expensive. Apparently,
not enough people were ordering the Zebra cone, so the two ice creams were
forcibly separated and have not reunited to this date.
I don’t believe this
for one minute this reason, but as of yet I have not been able to find proof
that would show otherwise. That doesn’t mean I have stopped my investigation.
Nor given up hope that somewhere out there beneath the pale moonshine, some
business is still serving the Zebra cone and bringing smiles to adult and kid
tummies alike.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
A Nation of One
Well, that’s it
then. On Sunday, the 2012 Olympic Games came to a close amidst honored
athletes, cheering fans and the at long last reunited Spice Girls.
My original intent was to do a really in depth review/ analysis of the closing ceremonies. It was really going to be impressive and one hell of a read. Sadly, I missed the closing ceremonies. I also missed the opening ceremonies and pretty much everything in the middle. Yep, that’s right. I missed the entire thing. Epic fail on my part.
So, with no Olympic events or ceremonies to review, I wasn’t really sure what to do. I mean, it is hard to write a blog post reviewing something you never saw. Sure movie critics do it all the time, but I wanted to be better than that. My only option seemed to be just write down the idea and revisit it in another four years.
I opened the document in my computer where I write all my post ideas, and started typing away. And with every key stroke I felt my mind begin to wander. I wondered how much money it cost to train an Olympic athlete and did they pay it all out of their own pockets or does some secret division of the military interested in creating super soldiers help out. Curious, I entered into research mode.
It seemed like I was spending hours online pouring through files and documents, but really, thanks to Google, it was actually only five minutes. What I found from my exhaustive search is that it costs roughly $50,000 a year to train one Olympic athlete. Of that amount, the government sometimes helps out with about $15,000 to $25,000. That means to get to the Olympics you not only need some pretty intense skills, but also about $200,000.
According to the official London Olympics 2012 website, the official source of everything Olympic related in London, the United States sent 539 athletes. Do the math and it means $107,800,000 was spent in training these superior athletes. I figured that wasn’t too bad until I read we won a 104 metals total. Which means 435 of our athletes didn’t even place. That didn’t seem right. There has to be a way to ensure that in 2016 we take home all the metals.
I thought about
taking the athletes who consistently win in their own sport and cross training
them to win in other sports. For instance, sure Michael Phelps can swim but can
he flip on a trampoline or jump over a hurdle. It also occurred to me that
these athletes would never get to sleep. They would have to train 24 hours a
day. That seemed a bit unrealistic, and since I didn’t have any better ideas, I
tabled the whole thing and went to see The Avengers again.
A little over two hours later and I had my Olympic solution. We don’t need to send 539 people to compete. We just need one person with a lot of skill. I am, of course, referring to the Incredible Hulk. Think about it. In The Avengers movie, he was jumping over buildings, throwing things miles away and running faster than any human. He is the perfect can-do-everything athlete. I know. I know. People are going to say he isn’t real, but if you do your research a Hulk isn’t really all that hard to make. All you need is a super smart scientist and a little Gamma Radiation accident and presto chango, you have yourself the ultimate Olympic athlete for a fraction of the cost.
My original intent was to do a really in depth review/ analysis of the closing ceremonies. It was really going to be impressive and one hell of a read. Sadly, I missed the closing ceremonies. I also missed the opening ceremonies and pretty much everything in the middle. Yep, that’s right. I missed the entire thing. Epic fail on my part.
So, with no Olympic events or ceremonies to review, I wasn’t really sure what to do. I mean, it is hard to write a blog post reviewing something you never saw. Sure movie critics do it all the time, but I wanted to be better than that. My only option seemed to be just write down the idea and revisit it in another four years.
I opened the document in my computer where I write all my post ideas, and started typing away. And with every key stroke I felt my mind begin to wander. I wondered how much money it cost to train an Olympic athlete and did they pay it all out of their own pockets or does some secret division of the military interested in creating super soldiers help out. Curious, I entered into research mode.
It seemed like I was spending hours online pouring through files and documents, but really, thanks to Google, it was actually only five minutes. What I found from my exhaustive search is that it costs roughly $50,000 a year to train one Olympic athlete. Of that amount, the government sometimes helps out with about $15,000 to $25,000. That means to get to the Olympics you not only need some pretty intense skills, but also about $200,000.
According to the official London Olympics 2012 website, the official source of everything Olympic related in London, the United States sent 539 athletes. Do the math and it means $107,800,000 was spent in training these superior athletes. I figured that wasn’t too bad until I read we won a 104 metals total. Which means 435 of our athletes didn’t even place. That didn’t seem right. There has to be a way to ensure that in 2016 we take home all the metals.
 |
| Artists conception of an Olympic Hulk |
A little over two hours later and I had my Olympic solution. We don’t need to send 539 people to compete. We just need one person with a lot of skill. I am, of course, referring to the Incredible Hulk. Think about it. In The Avengers movie, he was jumping over buildings, throwing things miles away and running faster than any human. He is the perfect can-do-everything athlete. I know. I know. People are going to say he isn’t real, but if you do your research a Hulk isn’t really all that hard to make. All you need is a super smart scientist and a little Gamma Radiation accident and presto chango, you have yourself the ultimate Olympic athlete for a fraction of the cost.
I know it might seem
a little outlandish, but keep it in mind. I guess the only question we have to
ask ourselves is, are we fine winning a 104 metals or do we want to ‘spank’
every other country and come home with all the metals. I already know my
answer. What’s yours?
Monday, August 6, 2012
The Right To Bear Arms
It’s a well known
fact that people love to be a part of
history. We literally reenact everything from repeating wedding vows to
recreating crime scenes to famous moments in history. Until recently, the go-to
for historical reenactments has been recreating famous battles between the
North and the South. Why we became so
focused on this bit of history I will never know. I mean, I wouldn’t mind
seeing famous battles between cave people and the dinosaurs or the time George
Washington went on that cherry tree massacre reenacted. And for once, it seems
the government agreed with me.
On August 3, 2012,
top officials in the United States government assembled to reenact the signing
of one of the greatest documents in our history. The United States Constitution.
The event was broadcast live on every tv and radio station in the United States.
It wasn’t until 2:37 pm on August 4, 2012, that people realized a mistake had
occurred in the wording of the new United States Constitution. More
specifically in the Second Amendment – Bearing Arms.
The Second Amendment
basically states that a well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security
of a free state, gives people the right to bear arms and this right shall not
be infringed upon.
However, due to a
few misplaced words the Second Amendment
now states that in order to have
a well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state,
gives bears the right to bear arms and this right shall not be infringed upon.
In even simpler terms this means that while Smokey is out there preventing
forest fires and he’s doing it with a double barrel sawed off shotgun strapped
to his back.
Smokey isn’t the
only bear to have taken advantage of this new law. At a comedy club in Portland,
Oregon, Fozzie Bear has held an audience captive for the last two days. He says
no one gets to leave till he gets the jokes worked out for his upcoming Comedy
Central special. In Jellystone National Park, Yogi and Boo Boo have given up their crazy schemes for simply
holding people up at gun point for their picnic baskets. Snuggle, the fabric
softener bear, has given up doing laundry in favor of kidnapping people at gun
point and selling them as laundry slaves on the black market. And the most shocking report so far is that
Winnie the Pooh has been robbing grocery stores and taking entire shelves of
honey.
A security camera In
the Waunakee, Wisconsin, Piggly Wiggly not only captured footage of Winnie the
Pooh running to the exit doors with a handgun in the air and pushing a shopping
cart full of honey but also him yelling, “I’m sick of getting my butt stuck in
trees just because I want to eat. Do you know how embarrassing that is, and I
know that little douche, Christopher Robin is always laughing at me. Well, who
is laughing now ya little punk.”
President Obama has
been very outspoken in his disapproval over the poor attention to detail and
copy editing that has lead to this situation. He has also been quick to assure
people that this amendment will be fixed, but that since it’s the weekend the
soonest any voting can take place would be on Monday. Until then, President Obama recommends everyone try to stay indoors and
avoid contact with any bears if possible. Every bear is to be considered armed
and dangerous and all-in-all pretty ticked off.
I really don’t think
I am in any danger, but just to be sure I am going to follow the President’s
advice to the letter. Plus, I am going to leave a big old fricking box of honey
on my porch. I figure what can it hurt. Until the President gives the all clear
on this bear thing, I am going to just sit in my house and catch up on the last
three seasons of Burn Notice.
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