"Jim! No texting while you are on the floor!"
"Hey! You can't race the fork lifts around like they're go carts."
"You can't go around telling people to 'suck it'. Even if you do say it in a sing-songy voice."
"Jim. You have to wear pants when you are at work. This is your last warning." I'm currently on my 19th last warning.
And apparently now you can't walk around knocking over baskets of parts and people while roaring and claiming to be Godzilla. Or so says the person in the human resources, who's office I just left.
I don't know why they were so fussy about the situation. Its not like I was knocking over baskets with new parts in them. These were old and defective and scheduled to be melted down later in the night.
I even offered to pick up the parts afterwards which we all know Godzilla just wouldn't do.
They thanked me for my offer, but told me it didn't matter if the parts were good or bad. That wasn't the point.So, I asked what was the point. Then I challenged him to find three things wrong with what I do.
In response, I was given two typed single spaced pages with a 162 reasons as to why what I did was wrong. Hmm. I guess they put more thought into that than I expected them too. I won't bore you with all 162 of the alleged reasons, but I'll give you a few highlights.
“…a danger to himself and others…”, “…questionable grasp on reality…”, “…makes weird faces…”, “…thinks Quidditch is a real sport…”
Needless to say,
that list goes on and on for quite a while.
My “discussion”
ended with the human resources person asking… almost begging me to be more
careful and a little safer. I promised I would do my best.
As I write this, a make shift ramp has been built and eight
of the companies biggest fork lifts were parked behind it. I'm sitting
in a tiny battery powered golf cart and
taking bets on how many fork lifts I can jump over.
Hey, I'm keeping my promise.
I’m doing my best to be safe and careful, but i've never jumped eight fork lifts
with a golf cart before. Odds are I'm bound to miss some safety thingy.
Maybe on Monday I’ll
be called back down to human resources but for now I’m about to go down in the
factory history books as Mr. Awesome Pants Who Jumps Fork Lifts… Awesome.
