I suppose looking back I could see why a few of them ended. Telling your girlfriend, after seeing Magic Mike, you need to break up so you can pursue your life long dream of becoming a male exotic dancer or your boyfriend you are done after falling into the toilet during the night for the sixth time because he keeps leaving the seat up, are pretty obvious signs.
Some signs, however, are not so obvious. Do you want to guess what the
number one reason for break ups is? (Pausing so you can make a few guesses. Go
ahead. I’ll wait.) Well, a lot of you guessed the number one reason is issues
stemming from not having enough money. Wrong! That was the cause the last few
years, but the past is the past people. This new reason may be shocking to some
and other maybe like, “Oh, hell yeah. That is so true”. According to several
current polls and surveys, the new number one in destroying relationships is whether
soft drinks are to be known as ‘soda’ or ‘pop’.
I know it doesn’t sound like something that could cause a break up, but
picture this. You and your new girlfriend have been out a few times to some of
the best five star restaurants in town and things are going great. Which is a
total relief, because your last girlfriend used to scream the words to random
Frank Sinatra songs at restaurants then bang her head on the table five times
then in an English accent say, “pickles” softly as she stood up to leave. After leaving a late night showing of The Amazing Spiderman, you decide to
stop at McDonald’s and get something to eat. You both walk up to the counter,
arms around each other, leaning against each other, laughing and kissing every
three seconds. Yep, you are the couple everyone looks at and thinks, gross…get
a room, but who cares, right. You are in love and nothing is ever going to
change that. At the counter you place your order, and the cashier asks what you
want to drink with that. You say a Pepsi, and then you ask her what kind of pop
she wants. Her eyes grow as wide as saucers and glaze over with disbelief as if
you just went up and pimp slapped her mom. She stares at you for a minute then
softly tells you the soda she wants is Dr. Pepper. And it’s on! The sickening
cute and cuddly couple is gone. All that remains is one person screaming “POP!”
and swinging a chair while the other person screams “SODA!” and breaks the end
of a beer bottle on the counter.According to the Cruise-Holmes Survey, over 50 relationships come to a possible pre-mature end every month as a result of soda vs. pop. The survey also points out that 8 deaths a year can be attributed to the aforementioned same reason.
What’s odd is that way back around 1809, soda and pop had a special relationship of their own. They were such a hot couple that just as we have Bradgelina or Bennifer, back then they were known as soda pop. You couldn’t read a newspaper or listen to the radio without some mention of soda pop. Unfortunately, like all famous couples they soon couldn’t stand the sight of one another. Some attribute the break up to the pressures of stardom . Others say soda was messing around with water on the side and pop found out about it. And a small minority thinks it’s because pop “dutch-ovened” soda. Whatever the reason, the two have not been mentioned in the same sentence since.
I have heard people ask if it is possible for their relationships to survive such a trial. Truthfully, I just don’t know. I hope so, because this beast has reared its head recently in my relationship. Am I afraid? Of course, but I think with lots of empathy, compassion and love, this problem can be overcome. And if that doesn’t work, I suggest dealing with each other Highlander The Movie style.
The only real solution I think is to somehow get soda and pop back together again. Only once they are re-united can the rest of the world begin to heal. Amen.
