No one ever told me gum has this power. Instead I had to find out on my own. I hate finding things out on my own. People like to call them lives little lessons or surprises. I prefer to see them as additional ways life can screw with me.
I have to say about 60% of the things I do during the day involves or is motivated by food. Monday is $3.99 spaghetti and bread stick day at Hy-Vee. It's pretty good, it fills me up and the best part is it's cheap. So, it's normally that is where I go to eat.
My favorite thing is to pick up the spaghetti and bread sticks and then to find some place quiet to just listen to some stand up comedy specials on my computer or cell phone. It's the relaxing calm in an otherwise hectic Monday. So yeah, I might have been whistling as I walked back to my truck. There's nothing wrong with it. Sure lots of people and dogs tend to cover their ears when I whistle, but that doesn't make it wrong. I set my food in my truck, started the engine and shifted into drive. Nothing. I pushed down a little harder on the gas pedal. Still nothing. I started to worry there was something wrong with my transmission. Annoyed, I jammed the pedal to the floor. I could hear my wheels spinning and smell the burnt rubber, but I remained in the same parking spot. Nothing.
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I know absolutely nothing about cars, but I still felt I should get out and take a look. After all, that's what guys do. Most of the time we have no idea what we are looking for or even at, but it must be some weird piece of junk DNA that makes us do it. After fulfilling my manly obligation I called a tow truck. All I saw was a piece of gum stuck to my tire and the pavement. I may be slow when it comes to how trucks work, but I knew a poorly piece of discarded Hubba Bubba gum wasn't going to hold my truck in place. That only works in cartoons.
The tow truck driver finally showed up and took his turn walking around my car. As soon as he saw the tire with gum on it, he sighed and said that was it. I tried to ask him how gum could keep a truck from moving, but he was obviously focused on the gum. He went back to his truck and broke out this huge blow torch. He then proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes melting and chipping away at the gum.I couldn't believe what was going on. This had to be a bad joke, but as people walked by they would be like "Oh, that sucks" or "That happened to me last week."
Confused, I watched as the tow truck driver packed up his gear and presented me with a bill for $200. I was like, "You removed some gum. Don't you think your bill is a little unfair?" He just shook shook his head slowly side to side like a disappointed father and said, "You have no idea what gum can do."
Maybe not, but I also didn't have $200 on me. When i told him this, the guy looked like he might use that huge blow torch on me. Then I saw his eyes shift to my incredibly plate of spaghetti and bread stick. I knew at that moment a deal had been made. He took my food and said my bill was paid.
As his truck pulled away, I sat there with no food and a half melted tire. Definitely, not the best start to the day. I guess I can try next Monday, but you better believe I will be keeping my eye open for rogue wads of chewing gum for now on.
