Now for the most part when I go shopping I either already know what I am looking for or at least have a pretty good idea of what I want. Given this fact, I convince myself that I can be in and out of any store in less that ten minutes. Once, again Best Buy excluded. What I seem to always fail to consider is there is one area in the store I have no control over. And it is this one area that can take a happy three minute trip and warp it into a frustrating hour long endurance fest. I am speaking (all-be-it in whispers) of the dreaded check out line.
The check out line can test the most patient of men, and being that I am nowhere near a patient man, eventually I begin to hate every person in front of me. Oh, and I have experienced everything listed below. The following are in no particular order or arranged by which I find more annoying. It's all pretty much the same to me and makes me want to yell, "You suck!". Here we go.
1. You suck if you are that person who can't seem to pull him or herself away from their cell phone while the cashier is talking. What makes it worse is if you tell the cashier to 'give you a minute'.
2. You suck if you are that person who digs in their pockets or purse for 20 minutes trying to find your bank card, all the while muttering, "I know it is here. I just had it". What makes it worse is if you add slapping your pockets. Like doing that will magically summon it to the pocket you are slapping. You aren't Houdini. Calm the frak down.3. You suck if you are the person who's total comes to $10.01, and you spend 20 minutes shifting through your purse for that one penny. What makes it worse is if the cashier offers to take that penny from the penny dish, and you refuse out of pride.
4. You suck if you are the person who's shopping cart is overflowing and you still push your way in front of me, even though I have one item. What makes it worse is if that one item is ice cream.
5. You suck if you are in front of me talking none stop on your cell phone about your weekend trips and activities. What makes it worse is if I am about 99% sure there is no one else on the other end and you are just making crap up.
6. You suck if you are the person who forgot to grab milk and then makes everyone wait while you run all the way across the store to get it. What makes it worse is if you send your kid.
7. You suck if you are the person who gets so wrapped up in the tabloids coverage of the Kardashians that when the line moves forward, you don't. What makes it worse is if you start talking to me about those same stories. No! That's a bad human.
8. You suck if you are the person who balances their checkbook at the check out after making a purchase. What makes it worse is if you ask the cashier for a calculator.
9. You suck if you are the person who has 13 items and goes into the 12 items or less line and tries to get the cashier to ring that 13th item up separate because you are having some moral dilemma. What makes it worse is if you actually argue with the cashier when he says 13 items is no big deal.
10. You suck if you are the guy who after his purchase is complete, spends the next 10 minutes hitting on the cashier. What makes it worse is if you keep trying to find ways to get her to go to your "buddies awesome party" even after she politely turned you down 5 times already.
It's because of situations like these that I try to use the self check out lines as much as possible. Not surprisingly, I have begun to find things to hate about those too. Go figure. I guess that means in about a month or two, I'll be writing about why I hate self check out lines. Seriously, does the volume on those things have to be so loud. Like people need to know how much my eggs are. Ahhh...and so it begins.
