5-Hour Energy Shots or Zombies

  Everyday I walk through this ho-hum world feeling as if there is something missing. Something that will make the world more vivid and pop with color. Something that brings everything to life and fills the day with excitement. For the longest time I pondered this, and came up with nothing. That is until one night, while eating a bowl of Frankenberry, I finally figured out what life needed. It needs zombies.

  Yep, you heard me. The world needs some good old fashion brain eating zombies. What better way to feel alive than being chased by the undead.

  Look at it this way. Everyday you wake up, drive to work, sit behind a desk for eight hours and then you go home. Do you ever wonder why 5-Hour Energy sells around nine million bottles of its energy shot a week? It's because most of lives are so insanely boring that we just can't stay awake. However, there are a rare few times when our hearts beat faster, our brains start working a mile a minute, endorphins increase and we appreciate our lives 300% more than we did before. I know a lot of people just guessed that I am speaking of love, and those people would be terribly wrong. I am actually referring to those times in your life when you almost died.

An actual study conducted by real scientists

  The time when some whacked out driver almost smashed his car into yours or when you were trying to fix something on your roof and almost fall off or when you were mugged or...you guessed it, were almost eaten by zombies.

  If you add the possibility of being eaten by a zombie to your daily routines, nothing would ever be boring again. No matter what you do during your day, there would always be a chance you could be eaten by a couple zombies. Would that not make you appreciate life so much more? Damn straight it would. Going to the grocery store goes from a risk factor of one to a chart topping ten.

  The risk factor scale only goes to ten, because we would be using the slow moving zombies. The ones who you can easily get away from as long as you don't slip and fall. Fast moving zombies were considered at one point, but it was decided that 60% of the population wouldn't be able to get away. Plus, the fast moving zombies are just so much more expensive. By using the cheaper, slower model zombie, that estimate went down to only about 3% of the population not being able to get away. For the rest of us, we would just be appreciating life on a higher level.

  Also, just think about how much fuller you would live your  life if there was the constant possibility of being eaten. Traffic jams would cease to occur, entire work meetings would be completed in under five minutes and no one would ever want to stay late alone at the office. This would make more time for you to spend with friends and family while doing things you actually care about.

  Sure there is around a 3% chance you might be eaten. However, on the the other hand, there is a 97% chance you will live life to the fullest everyday. Call me crazy, but those are odds I can deal with. How about you?