Normally, when these less than genius level ideas come to me. I put them into a mental file folder for storage and safe keeping. Eventually though, kind of like my email folder, it starts to run out of space so in a typical lazy fashion I just do a mass delete. The problem with that is the good ideas are subject to the same fate as the bad ones. And what survives the purge is usually a mixture of the two.
It is all about balance. Yes, I may lose a formula I've been toying with that could cure baldness, but on the plus side, the idea of taking a vampire inspired photo moves to the top of my to-do list.
First thing is first. I need to know how to stand in front of a mirror and take a picture of myself without my reflection showing up. My first thought was, 'I can just Photoshop myself out later". That's almost always my first thought, but I also quickly remember that I suck at Photoshop and I want this photo to look good. If I ever end up doing it that is.
By the way, before we go any further I need someone to answer this question for me. Why is it whenever I am trying to think through something important that could possibly help people inspiration takes days to find its way to me. Yet when I am trying to figure out how to do something totally useless and weird, inspiration slams into me like a truck within the hour.
Inspiration found me this time when I was half way through an episode of Psych. The answer to my problem is at the police station. Now, you may not realize this, but you can not just walk into a police station and ask to use their one way mirror to take a photo that makes you look like a vampire. They may not arrest you on the spot, but you will be escorted out of there very quickly and asked not to come back. Trust me, I now have some experience on this subject.
Forget just asking them if you can use their one way mirror, because as I said, they are just going to toss you out on your butt. Instead, try this. Have a friend pretend to kick your butt right in front of the police station. And I stress the friend part, because if you choose someone you don't know that well. When they start fake punching you, if they have any unresolved issues with you at all, eventually those soft fake punches are going to become real. Another lesson I learned the hard way.
Moving on... as your friend "kicks your butt" hopefully an officer or two will come out and stop him. Now, some of you may have an issue with getting your friend arrested, but don't worry. They won't arrest him right away. They'll just hold him for questioning.
You, on the other hand, will be taken right to your "Holy Grail", the Identification Room with the ginormous one way mirror. On the other side of that mirror is just a regular mirror. They have a mirror on the opposite wall so other officers observing the interrogation can watch the suspects hands if he or she moves them behind their back.
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| FYI - Bathrooms at the police station also have one way mirrors in them. |
The officer will explain that all you have to do is verify that the subject they have in custody is in fact the person who attacked you. Before the officer can say anything else tell him you are feeling a bit overwhelmed and ask for a cup of water of coffee. Whatever floats your boat. The goal is simply to get him out of the room, so you can have a minute to take your photo.
As soon as the officer leaves pull out your camera, run over to the one way mirror and start taking pictures. That's right, I said, "pictures". It took you a lot of work to get this far, and the lies you told won't work again. So, I recommend taking as many pictures are you can. At least 10. Who knows, if they all turn out good maybe you can make some nice coasters and a t-shirt.
The moment you hear the door knob turn, put your camera away and begin sobbing. This part is going to require some major acting skills, because you now want to convince the officer that you antagonized your attacker and that everything happened so fast, you weren't able to get a good look at him.
It may take a couple attempts, but eventually a very frustrated officer is going to thank you for your time and help and wish you a good day. Your friend should be released about 15 minutes later.
The only thing left to do is to buy a pizza, go home and upload the photo so it can be used later in your blog or as the best Instagram photo ever. I choose to use it in my blog. Who knows where you will post yours. You are going to take one too, right?
