In high school getting a hickey was considered a double edged sword. On the one side, the hickey was gross and frowned upon, On the other hand, they also served as undeniable proof to your friends that 'things' went as far as you claimed they did.
I remember when I was a Sophomore in High School and my friend Helen called me crying, saying that the guy she was fooling around with had left this ginormous hickey on her neck. She asked me what to do, but the only advice I had to offer was to put on a turtleneck.
Later I discovered that every teenager has their own sure fire method of getting rid of hickeys. I heard everything from putting a cold ice pack on it to using a cold spoon to break it up to massaging it out. If these methods actually worked or not I can not say. I always went with the turtleneck.
But what do you do when you get a hickey as an adult. Oh man, that is even worse that getting one when you were a teenager. You are so leaving yourself open to some unprecedented teasing by your friends and co-workers...or are you?
Sure no one wants to walk around sporting the latest in hickeys, but not once have I teased someone because of it. If anything, I feel a little jealous because it usually means that that person had a night where the passion and excitement got so intense, biting seemed like the logical next step.
So, you are an adult and you have a hickey. What do you do? Do you put an ice pack on it or 'spoon' it? Heck no! You are an adult with adult money and an adult attitude. Here are some steps I recommend on how to hide or just plain deal with your new neck accessory.
Here we go...
- Get a skin graft. You could wait for the hickey to go away on its own, or you could just pop over to the doctor and have him take some skin off your butt then stitch it on to your neck. You just cut the healing time for a hickey from three to five days down one.
- Spray tan. Just paint right over that sucker. Spray tans normally last around seven days so by the time it fades away your hickey should be gone.
- Add more bruises to your face using make up, tear your shirt a little bit and when you get to work just tell people you were jumped by a group of ruffians. No one is going to call you a liar. Remember, you are an adult. People have to believe what you say.
- Tell people a friend brought over his rare collection of 16 tropical land dwelling leeches. Needless to say there was an accident and the leeches escaped. After a lot of hard work we are only able to catch 13. As you can see by my neck there are still some out there.
- Psychological Manipulation or 'Epic Shit Talking'. For example: "Yeah, I get my boyfriend so excited he gave me a hickey." Examine the other girls neck. "Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. I guess you just don't get your boyfriend excited at all. No wonder Is aw him last night at the bars with that red headed girl. Wait, doesn't your best friend have red hair."
- Paint your arms, neck and head the color of your favorite sports team then just tell people you are a hardcore fan and are just showing your team spirit.
- Tell people you had a horrible vacuum cleaner accident. For the more nerdy, try telling people your vacuum became self-aware, developed a crush on you and then attacked..
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