Love. Now That's The Spirit

  I have never been one to have alot of rules when it comes to dating or love. It's hard out there, and if you can find someone who makes you happy then I say go for it. Unless of course, that love involves an animal or someone under the age of 18. That will get you into a little trouble, but anything else is fair game.

  People try to put so many restrictions on who they date. They want the person to make a certain amount of money or to be good looking or to believe in certain things or to be living. Sure, everyone has something the look for in a companion, but if you are willing to be a little flexible you maybe able to find that Mr. or Miss Right.

  For instance, Kesha recently announced the song, Supernatural, off her new cd is all about how compromising on one of her dating standards led to an amazing few days. She decided, it wasn't all that important if the guy she liked was alive or dead. As long as he had a good soul. Which if he hasn't moved on yet, might mean it isn't the best, but who am I to judge.

  I know their relationship didn't last long, but Kesha has had nothing but flattering things to say about her phantom paramour. She didn't go into any details about how they met. All she would say is that 'having sexy time' was amazing and that very few living guys ever made her feel the same. And yes, 'having sexy time' means what you think it means. Although, luckily she was vague on the details of that as well.

  The important thing to take away from this is that not being so picky in what you are looking for in a companion can lead to something wonderful and amazing. You could also say we learned that while you are alive you may not have a snowballs chance in hell of hooking up with Kesha, but once you are dead and a ghost, it's a whole new ball game.



 


 

 



 

8 Things Not To Do Before The First Date

  Now that Memorial Day has come and gone, I found out my second job isn't running as many die casting machines. For a lot of people this sadly meant layoffs. Luckily, all it meant for me was having to work on a new machine with a guy I had never worked with before.
  This guy, Johnny, was telling how his friend had set him up with this girl. I guess they have talked on the phone a few times, but they have yet to meet. And judging by the way he has been trying to impress her, I don't think they ever will.

  The tricks and techniques Johnny was using almost made me sad to be a man. Now, I'm not trying to act all high and mighty. In my life time I am sure I used one or two of his techniques. Just not all of them at the same time. Or within the last 15 years.

  As a service to other guys out there, who have just met that girl they are interested in and are still in the getting to know each other on the phone and through emails stage or are getting ready for that all important first date, I came up with a couple important things not to do. I can't promise that by following these rules you will end up with the girl of your dreams, but I can promise she won't be calling you a douche to her friends anytime soon.


Ted is 25 years old and
plays rugby

Rule 1: Don't use a fake photo. I know you think that over time she is going to fall so in love with your personality that it won't matter what you look like. You are so wrong. She hasn't been telling her friends she is going on a date with a bald guy who has out of control acne and has more hair on his back than a werewolf. She has been telling them that she going out with a guy who looks an awful lot like David Beckham.

Rule 2: Don't lie about what you like to do. I know you want to impress that special adventurous lady by telling her you like to sky dive on fire while doing origami. Just remember, eventually she is going to surprise you with a weekend getaway where you will sky dive on fire while sword fighting. Sure saying you like long walks doesn't sound very bad ass, but at least you won't be hurdling through the air on fire with a pointy object.

Rule 3: Don't  let all your weird out at one time. What I mean is, if you collect and display Strawberry Shortcake figurines or have a closet with 10,000 comic books in it, you probably don't want her finding about all of that at one time. Instead say you are into collectibles or you have just a few comics laying around. Releasing too much of your weird at one time will either just flat out scare her away or make her worry about being buried in your basement.

Rule 4:  Don't send her pictures of your penis.  Seriously, I don't know why guys do this. Especially if you haven't even had a first date. I mean I'm a guy and I still don't get it. Do they think you are going to see the picture of their penis and be like, "Oh my God! I can't wait. I've gotta get me some of that." A lot of guys believe that if they send you a picture of their "Mister Happy" then out of fairness you will send them pictures of your naughty places.

Rule 5: Don't be that guy. You know what I mean. Girls say it all the time. Just don't be that guy.

Rule 6: Don't tell her how beautiful you think your kids would look. If you want to send her running before you even make your first date, go a head and tell her that. Then ask all your friends if what you asked her was creepy. But just in case you have the type of friends who tell you everything you do is cool, let me just say that yes, it is creepy.

Rule 7: Don't tell her that when you eat the candy, Dots, you get really turned on. I think that one pretty much speaks for itself. I would maybe hold this little bit of information until you have been out on at least a few dates.

And finally...Rule 8: Don't offer to take her out to dinner if you can only spend $8.00. Your first dinner together should be something nice and while a $100 dinner at a nice restaurant may be slightly out of your range, you should be able to swing something out Chili's or Outback Steak House. Not the McDonald's or Taco Bell value menu. After that first dinner though, the value menu becomes a viable option.

  Well, I hope these help a little bit. If not (Begin legal notice now: The author of this blog assumes no responsibility for you not being able to get a date. Most likely you did not follow these rules closely or you are just a complete douche. Sorry) then I wish you luck.