A Nation of One

  Well, that’s it then. On Sunday, the 2012 Olympic Games came to a close amidst honored athletes, cheering fans and the at long last reunited Spice Girls.

  My original intent was to do a really in depth review/ analysis of the closing ceremonies. It was really going to be impressive and one hell of a read. Sadly, I missed the closing ceremonies. I also missed the opening ceremonies and pretty much everything in the middle. Yep, that’s right. I missed the entire thing. Epic fail on my part.

  So, with no Olympic events or ceremonies to review, I wasn’t really sure what to do. I mean, it is hard to write a blog post reviewing something you never saw. Sure movie critics do it all the time, but I wanted to be better than that. My only option seemed to be just write down the idea and revisit it in another four years.

  I opened the document in my computer where I write all my post ideas, and started typing away. And with every key stroke I felt my mind begin to wander. I wondered how much money it cost to train an Olympic athlete and did they pay it all out of their own pockets or does some secret division of the military interested in creating super soldiers help out. Curious, I entered into research mode.

  It seemed like I was spending hours online pouring through files and documents, but really, thanks to Google, it was actually only five minutes. What I found from my exhaustive search is that it costs roughly $50,000 a year to train one Olympic athlete. Of that amount, the government sometimes helps out with about $15,000 to $25,000. That means to get to the Olympics you not only need some pretty intense skills, but also about $200,000.

  According to the official London Olympics 2012 website, the official source of everything Olympic related in London, the United States sent 539 athletes. Do the math and it means $107,800,000 was spent in training these superior athletes. I figured that wasn’t too bad until I read  we won a 104 metals total. Which means 435 of our athletes didn’t even place. That didn’t seem right. There has to be a way to ensure that in 2016 we take home all the metals.

Artists conception of an Olympic Hulk

  I thought about taking the athletes who consistently win in their own sport and cross training them to win in other sports. For instance, sure Michael Phelps can swim but can he flip on a trampoline or jump over a hurdle. It also occurred to me that these athletes would never get to sleep. They would have to train 24 hours a day. That seemed a bit unrealistic, and since I didn’t have any better ideas, I tabled the whole thing and went to see The Avengers again.

  A little over two hours later and I had my Olympic solution. We don’t need to send 539 people to compete. We just need one person with a lot of skill. I am, of course, referring to the Incredible Hulk. Think about it. In The Avengers movie, he was jumping over buildings, throwing things miles away and running faster than any human. He is the perfect can-do-everything athlete. I know. I know. People are going to say he isn’t real, but if you do your research a Hulk isn’t really all that hard to make.  All you need is a super smart scientist and a little Gamma Radiation accident and presto chango, you have yourself the ultimate Olympic athlete for a fraction of the cost.  

  I know it might seem a little outlandish, but keep it in mind. I guess the only question we have to ask ourselves is, are we fine winning a 104 metals or do we want to ‘spank’ every other country and come home with all the metals. I already know my answer. What’s yours?