I know it's odd for a guy to randomly be thinking of relationships especially while watching a string of viral videos depicting puking, hurting and farting. But it happened, so let's deal with it and move on.
My thoughts about relationships turned toward how surprising they can be. I think surprises are what keeps a relationship fresh and fun. They can be romantic like putting a note in your significant others lunch or gym bag. Maybe they are a little revealing like how your boyfriend used to act out scenes from One Tree Hill with Barbie dolls. Playful surprises are fun too. I used to have this girlfriend who loved to jump out of closets or pull the shower curtain back and scream, "Boo!" Sometimes surprises can make people a little angry. For instance, one night when a couple gets a little drunk and let their guard down a bit, the girl tells the boy who she dated the football team. When the guys asks, "Do you mean you dated them through out your high school years?" The girl realizes she let to much information slip and stops herself from saying she dated them all at the same time. Instead she says, "Sure, let's go with that." The guy feeling relaxed and a little revealing tells how he used to have his entire room covered in Backstreet Boy and N'Sync posters.
I have a lot of ways I like to surprise my girlfriend when I am in a relationship, but I was shocked when I saw on tv that my favorite surprise had just been outlawed in Wisconsin. And all because of a little death.
It seems Jen and Clint Tongstin were enjoying a wonderful evening together at a Mexican restaurant. Sources say Clint took a run at breaking the record for amount of tacos eaten. Unable to finish his 23 taco, Clint had conceeded defeat. For a while Clint was a little sad, but as the night went on Jen was able to keep increasing his good mood. By the time they went to bed, Clint was feeling a little playful and felt pressure building up in his stomach. Clint quickly formed his plan. When Jen slipped into bed, Clint gave her a kiss goodnight then apologized as he pulled the sheets over her head and 'dutch ovened' her. Five minutes later, Jen had passed away.
Forensic doctor, Kip Kipperson, explained that the amount of tacos had created a deadly level of carbon dioxide in his stomach. When Clint preformed the dutch oven on Jen, the release of the carbon dioxide neutralized the oxygen and basically left her in a poisonous miasma. With no oxygen Jen passed away in minutes.
The Urban Dictionary defines the dutch oven as the act of releasing a vicious, obnoxious fart in bed and then holding the head of a loved one underneath the sheets until the pass out.
It is probably safe to say that this is a joke perpetrated mainly by men, although women have been known to do it as well. Just not as ofter because women tend to not be as immature as men. Dutch ovens are preformed every day by the thousands through out the world. In this case however, Jen was the daughter of a congressman. Less than an hour later, the Anti-Dutch Oven law had been passed.
Personally, I think outlawing this act is totally unfair. Sure i can understand putting a cap on how many tacos you are allowed to eat before preforming the dutch oven, but to just outlaw it out right doesn't seem fair.
This is one law you will definitely find me at the Capital protesting. So, move over you Recall Scott Walker folks. Your time has passed. It is now our time. If one consenting adult can not dutch oven another unaware adult, I then think there is something wrong with this concept of freedom. I shall continue to dutch oven just like our founding fathers intended. Power to the people.
