No, this blog is not going to point out the highlights of a typical high school student. It's the 'hooks' and 'game changers' networks use to get us to give up an hour or two of our day to watch their reality based programming.
I will be the first to proudly admit that I do not devote what little tv viewing time I have to reality tv. Sure it means I'll never know exactly what football team Snookie is currently hooking up with this week, or what swell guy received the rose and what loser is balling his eyes out over love lost in the back of a limo. It's a sacrifice true, but one I was willing to make... Until now.
While watching my favorite tv show, Pudding and Popcorn, I saw a promo for the upcoming season of Survivor. I cried out a defiant "Nope!", and grabbed for the remote, but I wasn't fast enough. Just as my finger pressed the next channel button i heard," This season Survivor goes to the Island of Doctor Moreau." My smile was replaced by a long, sad sigh and with the realization that I would be spending the next couple months at tribal councils and watching alliances form and crumble.
In past seasons, Survivor has always taken place where contestants mights have to deal with the occasional spider or giant-yet-to-be-classified bug. No true danger. However, slipping ratings have caused producers to push the envelope a little. The Island of Doctor Mo]reau is located in the middle of nowhere and is uninhabited...by humans, sort of. For years the island was home to a mad geneticist who created dozens of new species. There are piranha the size of tigers, snakes that can swallow elephants whole and animal/human hybrids.
The only bright side of this show is that the odds are fairly good, the majority of the contestants won't make it to a tribal council... or home. Which means no one will show up on another reality show trying for another 15 minutes of fame.
The good news is the show only runs for three months, but now that I am part of the 'reality culture' I will have to educate my friends on the rules. Just like horror films and dating, reality tv has its own set of rules. The most important of which is, 'don't talk about what happened on last nights show in front of me'. Other standard rules such as 'don't call me when my show is on' and 'hate who i hate on the show' apply as well.
I promise that as soon as three months are up I will never watch another reality show again...Unless Mtv likes my audition tape for their new show, the Real World - Road Rules - Potato Vampire Slayer Challenge. Although technically, I'm not watching it.
