Dangers of Tanning

  I have written before concerning the fact that I have two jobs. At one I make parts for motorcycles, trucks and lawn mowers. The other, I repair and fix tanning beds. Neither jobs makes me hop out of bed with excitement in the morning, but they pay the bills and keep my lizard in crickets.

  It's been about two years now that I have worked at the the tanning spa. I have heard a lot of weird things and seen some even weirder things. Like when a bolt of lightning struck a pile of mashed potatoes causing it to come to life and seek fame on American Idol. Like I said, weird.

  Probably the thing I hear about the most at our spas are the effects of tanning. Some people preach the positive effects of it, while others believe it is so bad for you that a few seconds of exposure will cause you to melt quicker than a chocolate Easter Bunny. And while you may think I am exaggerating on that last one, it turns out cancer is no longer the number one concern for people who tan.
  In fact, a recent study conducted by the University of Wisconsin, found that people who tan are more concerned with the possibility of turning into a zombie. Yep, you heard right. Tanning is the number two highest cause for zombification.

  According to Grant Sherman, Director of the Nation Health and Safety Administration, not everyone who tans will become a zombie. Only about 65% of the population is prone to this condition.

  "If you tan there is no guarantee you will become a zombie. It's like if you drink a lot of pop or eat  a lot of food that is bad for you," Sherman said. "There is no guarantee all your teeth will fall out or that you will have a heart attack, but it greatly increases your odds."

  There are a few precautions one can take when tanning to avoid turning into a zombie. Number one is never eat after midnight; two is avoid water and three is stay out of direct sun light.

  We all want to look the best we can. It is true that a nice deep tan is much more appealing to the opposite sex than looking like Casper the Friendly Ghost. I just wonder if looking just a little bit sexier is worth the possibility I might end up wandering the streets moaning "Brains" for the rest of my life. Yeah, I may look good, but if there is a chance I might eat your brains, I'm sure that's going to affect the amount of dates I get.

  I guess I'm still on the fence about the whole tanning thing, but at least now I know the facts. And knowing is half the battle, G.I. Joe.