When I was younger I was told if you were good and spoke to God, he could hear everything you said and asked for.
I have to admit, as a kid I asked God for several things over the years. One was to not have to wear glasses or contacts. I wanted a water slide next to my bed that would take me zooming through the house through a series of tubes that would eventually deposit me in the shower. Twice I asked for my high school football team to win the state championship. And I think over the years I asked God to help countless women fall in love with me. (Including Kathy Ireland and Margaret Thatcher. You heard me. Hotties!)
Of all the things I asked god for, guess how many prayers he answered...Nope, but good guess. The correct answer is, none. Granted, these weren't 'end world hunger' or 'let everyone live in peace' type prayers, but I figured someone else probably had those covered already.
I tried hard to figure out why God wouldn't answer my prayers. Was I not praying hard enough? Does he only listen to prayers at night that come from the foot of your bed? Does God think boys have cooties? Then it struck me. People always said, 'God would listen". They didn't say crap about him ever responding. I've really got to start paying more attention when people tell me things.
So fast forward to a lot of years later. I'm no longer a kid praying for random stuff. In fact, it is safe to safe I haven't prayed for anything. All that changed a few days ago. Have you ever had day that was so bad that halfway through the day you ask God for a reboot.? You know, a do over. That's the kind of day I was having. Within four hours of being awake my stupid phone stopped working, I was late for work, got a speeding ticket, remembered I had a movie I forgot to return (it was due like 6 days ago) and tons of other things. Each thing seemed to add more weight to my shoulders until finally I cried mercy and tapped out. Out of desperation I did something I hadn't done in decades. As rain, thunder and lightning raged around me, I closed my eyes and asked God to help. 'Just bring this day to an end and I promise to be a better person', I bargained. A moment passed before I finally opened my eyes. I felt different. Like he had heard me and everything was going to be different now.
Suddenly, lightning flashed in front of me. It was the biggest bolt of lightning I had ever seen. Then the lightning did something I had never seen before. I'm pretty sure it took the form of a giant hand that was flipping the bird, but not randomly. It appeared right in front of me after I finished praying. God...had just given me the middle finger. I suppose if you are looking for a sign about where you stand with God, that would be it. He could have just continued to ignore me, instead of being all douchie about it. Strange, you never read in the bible about God giving Moses the bird when he was angry.
Needless to say my day did not get any better. And after seeing the Finger of God, I can honestly say I did not expect it to. I did, however, take something away from that day. God may listen to everything you say and think, but sometimes it is better if he doesn't answer back. Trust me.
