The Ultimate Lesson

Hey every body.  I just wanted to inform you all that this will be my last post for a long time.

When I first started this big I promised it would be about the silly things in life and never take itself too serious. But I'm breaking that promise today in hopes other people won't make the same mistake I did.

Friday night I picked up my girlfriend's phone and looked at some texts between her and a guy friend.

I'm not proud of what I did. If there was a way to take it back I would, but I can't. Its not something I have ever done before and I would tell you I wouldn't do it again in the future,  but I don't think I'll get a chance to prove that. 

Because I have betrayed her trust on such a deep level, I was told a few minutes ago that she needed a few days to be alone and think.

In situations like this, people are required to tell you things will be okay. Just give her a few days and everything will be okay. 

The hardest part is not only knowing I hurt her, but knowing I will never hear her say, 'I love you' again with her arms around me.

Some of you are surely asking why I did such a stupid thing. And the answer is I gave into a moment of weakness.  I was feeling bad about myself and I knew this guy was always hitting on her, so I wanted to see her telling him 'no thanks.  I have a boyfriend. '

Was it with it? Hell no. I know she asked for a few days, but I'm pretty sure she made up her mind already.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have lost one of the best things that ever happened to me over being pathetic and insecure.

She made me laugh. She inspired me on so many levels.  I used to relish every time she said, I love you. Every time those words escaped her lips my heart felt like nothing could stop it. And now I would say there is a 90% chance I will never hear here speak those words again. Let alone see her.

Folks this woman is completely amazing.  She is totally nerd compatible. She is caring and loving and super smart.  She is so beautiful.  I could stare into her eyes and just let myself get lost.

My last image of her is seeing her sleeping on the couch looking beautiful. She was so tired from our trip to Ikea and looking at paint samples that she crashed as soon as we got to her house.

When I left her house she was quietly sleeping. She had this cute little smile on her face and looked so comfy.

That will most likely be the last memory I have of her. We were working on a wall in her basement to convert it into a room for some of my stuff when I moved in at the end of next month.

I beg everyone out there. Please don't let your insecurities get to you and do what I did.  Because of what I did, I lost one of the most important people in my life and I have to live forever knowing I almost had the love I was always searching for and I destroyed it out of sheer insecurity and stupidity.

I have no one to blame but myself. So basically tonight a countdown clock has been started.  Like I said,  I'm pretty sure what her answer will be. I'm hoping for the best but given she didn't say, I love you or anything really to me today. Let's just say I'm not trying to fool myself about what her answer might be.

So in case I never get to talk to her again I just want to say that, 'I love you baby.  Thank you for some of the greatest months of my life.  You are an amazing woman and you deserve all the happiness this crazy world has to offer you. If you ever need help or anything... just call.  I'll help no questions asked. I will miss you with all my heart'.

Thank you everyone for reading all my strange and random babble through out the year. Good bye.

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Sincerely,
Jim
Sparkle Who