When I took health class in junior high school, they really didn't teach us all that much. I mostly remember a lot of giggling and jokes being made in whispers behind the teachers back. The one thing I know they never taught us was that women 'glisten'. Back then they kind of just lumped boys and girls together in the same sweaty category.
What I didn't realize is that glistening is not the only biological difference between boys and girls. Recently, I just learned that not only do women not sweat but they also don't pass gas or to use the more common scientific term, fart.
I know what you are thinking. If women don't fart, how come they haven't blown up like giant balloons and exploded? The answer is actually pretty simple. While men release build up gas through only one method, farting. Mother nature blessed women with 5 different methods.
Method 1. Poofing - This process involves the gas being released in little poofs that smell like potpourri.
Method 2. Shooting Rainbows - In this instance, the gas is released in a spectrum of colors which is sometimes accompanied by little Skittles.
Method 3. Twilighting - The gas releases in the form of a very sparkly glitter and smells like fresh rain.
Method 4. The Sonic Shimmer - With this technique you may never know anything even happened, but your dog sure will. Have you ever been cuddling on the couch with your girlfriend with your dog at your feet. Suddenly, your dog jumps up and runs into another room like he just saw a ghost? Don't worry your dog isn't crazy. See, when a woman tries to hold her gas in for too long, the pressure becomes to great for her body to contain. So, when she finally does release the pressure, the gas is moving so fast that it breaks the sound barrier causing a little sonic boom that only dogs can hear. Apart from your dog running, the only way for another person to tell a woman just went sonic is the shimmering effect that occurs because of the intense heat. In man terms, this would be known as ' the silent butt deadly' one.
Method 5. The Fresh Baked Cookie - This one is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes when there is no way for a woman to get away so she can release her body initiates a cloaking technique. Have you ever been in a room with no food, all the windows are closed and there is no kitchen and yet... you smell freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? Now you know why.
I feel I should add that apart from the pleasant smells, my research and studies have found that women do not produce a negative scent. Unlike their male counter parts, who can clear a room in under 5 seconds after consuming just a few tacos and a couple Mountain Dews.
