Okay, its official. The holidays are firmly upon us. Which means only one thing... travel. Whether it be by planes, trains or automobiles, a recent survey conducted by the Souffle Institute discovered that 75% of the population are going somewhere.
In my opinion having to travel by car or train is the way to go. Sure these modes of transport may not be the fastest, but at least you have some say in what you can do.
Cars, obviously, provide the most opportunity for freedom when it comes to travelling. The route you take, the music you listen to, the number of times you pull over and most importantly, the person who sits next to you is completely up to you.
Trains may not offer the same freedom that cars do, but you can still get away with quite a bit. For instance, you can get up and walk around whenever you want. And not just in your train car. You can walk from the front of the train all the way to the back if you want. Some trains even have snack or dinner cars in case you get hungry.
Planes, in my opinion, are the least fun way to travel. Pretty much the only thing you have control over is whether you listen to your iPod or watch something on whatever it is you use to watch things while on the go.
Also, You can only move around when they tell you you can. Which the last time I flew was for only a grand total of 15 minutes. Granted the plane had almost dropped out of the sky twice...but still.
Not to mention all the fun of going to the airport. That place is nothing but security checks, long lines and angry people.
If I can, I definitely try to avoid flying at all costs. Sadly, sometimes having to fly is just unavoidable.
That's why over the last few years, I have come up with a few tricks to make flying a little bit more enjoyable.
Things to do at the terminal
- Those conveyor belt/ flat escalators can be a lot of fun. As soon as I get on it, I like to strike the Captain Morgan pose and see how long I can hold it without toppling over. Another fun thing to do is wait till you are about half way across then just start running in place. After a few moments yell out, 'Jane!!! Get me off this crazy thing.
- Another fun toy... I mean tool... airports have is the motorized luggage transport. You know the little golf cart looking thing. If you can manage to find one of these with the keys still in them grab it. Whenever I can obtain one, I like to pull a toga over my clothes and just drive it around the airport like it is my own personal chariot, waving to people and demanding that they bow.
- Checking in can be fun too. While they are processing all your stuff ask them if that ufo has come back. After they respond with a confused look and most likely, 'what?', just keep talking. Tell them you heard a big ufo was spotted over the airport and after it left two people were discovered missing.
- Getting pulled aside by security for one of their random checks can even offer a chance for fun. Just as the person is about to frisk you, in your softest bedroom voice say, 'wait...wait...do you have protection'.
- Even that horrible purgatory known as the waiting area can be fun. Find a row of 5 or more seats then ask people if they want to play musical chairs.
Things To Do On The Plane
- Pull that inflatable beach ball out of your carry on, blow it up and see how long you and your fellow passangers can keep it up in the air.
- Don't like the person sitting next to you, that one is pretty easy to fix and have fun with. One thing I do is tell the person I'm sitting next to that I had some really bad mexican food to eat and that my stomach is so not happy. The other is to tell the person that when you drink you get really handsy then immediately order two drinks.
- If you see one of the pilots ask them if they would mind taking a breathalyzer test.
- Try to get everyone to sing, Row Row Your Boat in the round.
- If the person sitting next to you is really annoying, just quickly stand up anf yell, 'how dare you!' Then throw a drink in the person's face. You will get a new seat right away.
I have a few other suggestions that while fun to do... could lead to you being asked to leave the plane or being barred from ever flying again. So, I'll keep those to myself... except for this one.
- Wait in front of the cabin door, then as soon as it opens turn away, drop your pants and bent over a little and while shaking your half exposed sing out, 'Booty. Booty. Booty.'
Follow these tips and great fun will be had by all. Or at the very least, by you.
