I should point out that most visits to see my family in Illinois aren't that bad. Its just these holiday ones that tend to be a little bit challenging. Especially when Amanda's side of the family comes to town. Oh, in case I haven't mentioned it in the past, Amanda is my brother 's wife.
Her side of the family decided to descend upon our little town in two waves. The first one consisted of Amanda's sister and her two kids. One of which, I am pretty sure, is the Son of Satan. The second wave will arrive on Saturday or Sunday and brings with it Amanda's mom and three of her cousins.
As you can probably guess, that many people crammed into two houses can cause tensions to occasionally run high. And good luck finding some place quiet. Believe me, I have tried.
One time when my girlfriend called, I had to switch rooms six times just to find some quiet time.
You may be wondering what could cause me to flee the welcoming arms of my family after just two days with them.
Here are just a few examples of what has happened so far. I didn't put the examples in any particular order or arrange them by dates simply because some of the things have happened every day and often more than once.
1. With in a few minutes of being around the Son of Satan, he charged me and jumped up on to me. When he did this, his knee connected with my jaw and shattered my tooth. So that right there... major ouchie. I dare you to find a dentist on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
2. My brother is constantly complaining about how unfair it was for A&E to fire that guy on Duck Dynasty. And how he was let back on the show because everyone was returning the merchandise they bought as a form of protest. He even has conspiracy theories as to why the guy was really fired. I've listened to three of these speeches so far and I still can't even tell you the name of the guy who was fired or say I honestly care that he was.
3. My mom's police and fire department scanner has become like fingers on a chalk board to me. The scanner is at one end of the house and the bedrooms are at the other, and even with my door closed I can still hear that thing. And what is worse is if my mom recognizes a street or a name, she immediately comes to get me so I can hear what is happening and listen to her speculations about why it is happening. Honestly, unless the house I am currently in is on fire, I could care less what that screeching box has to say. I'm just trying to resist hitting it with a hammer.
4. All I hear through out the year from my niece is how she misses her cousin, Jarrod (aka the Son of Satan) and how much she wishes she could play with him. Which is so sweet and cute... Until you actually get them together. Then all that sweetness and cuteness gets replaced with screaming, tattling and crying. Some of their favorite complaints are: one accusing the other of not sharing toys, playing with a toy that the other was just about to pick up, accusations by both of them involving cheating at Candy Land and Hungry Hungry Hippo and their favorite, she/he said it would be my turn next but she/he isn't giving me my turn. However, as soon as you separate them for more than five minutes, they go back to missing each other.
5. My mom keeps blocking in my car so I'm stuck at the house and can't go anywhere. She keeps saying she accidentally does it but I think she does it so she isn't the only one left alone with all the craziness.
6. I don't like chicken or turkey or tomatoes. Most people just accept this as a weird quirk of mine and move on. Everyone that is except for anyone on Amanda's side of the family. Every time one of them cooks something with one of the above ingredients I politely decline explaining I'm not a big fan of turkey, chicken or tomatoes. And instead of them moving on, they try to convince me that they make the best chicken in the world and if I just ate a little of it I would start to love chicken. Because in 40 years, no one has ever tried to get me to eat chicken or turkey or handed me a tomato fresh off the vine and told me it would be delicious. The only person who has any hope of getting me to try something I don't like is my girlfriend.
At the moment I am savoring the silent room I found and the conversation I just had with my girlfriend. That woman is completely amazing and talking to her always helps me smile.
So armed with that smile and a little quiet, I will throw open the door and trek to the kitchen. What evils I shall encounter along the way I can't be sure. All I do know is there is some upside down pineapple cake in the fridge, and I am super hungry. Wish me luck.
