Now, obviously not every sad clown with a knife is going to be dangerous, but we can't deny the fact that sometimes clowns have bad days and mistakes happen.
And just like every clown may not be interested in just making you laugh, not every thing you see and hear on tv is exactly a lie.
Case in point...commercials. Their main goal is to convince you that you need the product they are selling. Which they do by laying some hard to hear truths on us.
No one wants to be told they have breath that smells like rotting cabbage, but Scope will do it. Nor is it likely any mom will take her daughter into a field filled with fluffy dandelions to discuss the importance of Summer's Eve, but a commercial will be there with box in had to do it for you.Bottom line, I feel I can trust commercials to tell me the truth. So, when I saw an ad for insurance featuring a very excited gentleman buying sushi from a dirty gas station, I too became excited. Sure he seemed like he was having a little stomach trouble at the end, but that could have been caused by any number of things.
Fast forward to two days later and I am in a gas station fueling up and very late for work. My stomach was growling and churning like that creature from Alien was about to pop out. It made sense given I hadn't eaten since the night before. So, like my cave dwelling ancestors, I stalked the aisles looking for my prey. I passed by bags of chips, gas station pizza, gas station cheeseburgers and ham sandwiches that I am pretty sure have been there since the 1960s. No, I wanted something different, something new...something exotic. Oh, Laffy Taffy covered hot dogs, no wait, even better...gas station sushi. Time to see if it is as exciting as the guy on the commercial made it seem.
In my car, I turned on the newest episode of the Nerdist podcast opened up my sushi container and dug in. The initial bite tasted a bit off, but to be fair, I had never had gas station sushi before this, so I didn't really have anything to compare it to. To be fair, the rest of the sushi tasted really good. And no side effects.
At least not until four hours later, when I found myself running to the bathroom every five minutes to do one of two things. What those two things were...I'll leave up to your imagination, but to be honest I wouldn't even imagine it. It wasn't pretty and let's leave it that. About five hours later, my stomach started to cramp and I began to sweat like it was 300 degrees outside. My mouth dried up and my tongue felt like leather. Seven hours into this whole thing and the fever was fading but so was my vision. Hour eight everything finally cleared up and I was good to go. A half hour later, I developed a loud buzzing in my head. Like giant mosquitos were flying around my brain. That lasted for another hour before it went away, and I was finally symptom free for good.
What caused all this I'm not really sure. Some people say it was definitely the sushi, but I have no proof of that. As far as I know, it was just a coincidence that I almost died a few hours after eating the sushi. It could have been plenty of other things like the spontaneous plague or rickets or maybe a momentary genetic breakdown.
I guess we will probably never know. All we know for sure is that commercials have once again never lied to me. Gas station sushi really is pretty good.
