I know I know. A lot of you are reading this and thinking, "what's so bad about cleaning? It makes your house look good and presents a positive image of yourself when people come over." All of which is true. You know what I call people who clean their house to perfection? I call them wreckless daredevils. It's obvious to me that these people are either thrill seekers or worse, ignorant of the dangers that lay before them.
Come on people, have you never seen a movie? Your house is full of dangers when it comes to cleaning. In the kitchen there is the garbage disposal. Do you like your hand? Everytime you put your hand down that gaping maw you are engaging in a game of Russian Roulette. Think you are safer in the living room with your nice big tv? You probably are. At least until you begin cleaning your tv stand and the cat jumps on top of the tv causing it to tip over on to you. Pancake City.
If you survive those challenges unscathed don't get to cocky. There is still one danger ahead of you. The bathroom. The bathroom is the most dangerous room in the house. Not because of any appliance or because you might slip. No, there is something ominous that lives in your bathroom. Specifically inside your toilet. I'm talking about the Potty-dile. (insert any horror film terror-filled scream here.)
The Potty-dile is a vicious creature. It is a very territorial creature and does not not take kindly to people disturbing its home. The Potty-dile lives in a very fragile eco-system. So, when you lift that toilet seat with cleaner in hand, the Potty-dile senses the danger to its habitat and responds. And while realize it is just an animal protecting its home and possibly young, it doesn't take away the anger I feel at being made afraid to enter my own bathroom.I've challenged the creature a few times but to be honest, most weekends I don't feel like risking my life just so my toilet can smell like lemons. Frak that.
So, if you come over to my house and are a little put off that there are some things around my sink or toilet, please keep in mind the danger you want me to experience on your behalf. If living means there is a spot of toothpaste on my sink or the toilet paper roll isn't on the roller, then I choose life. Uh Oh Spaghetti-o's.
