Kohl's Ghost

  Don't you hate when you wake up thinking the only thing you have to do is buy a new pair of Spider-Man Underoos, but instead end up having to re-evaluate your views on life after death.

  It would be pretty accurate to say that for the majority of my life, I have been completely skeptical of this concept of life after death or as what the professional 'hunters' on tv call... ghosts.

  Something tells me that a few of you might be slightly skeptical of my skepticalness (Hmm, is that even a word). Which is understandable. After all, I am the guy who flew to Utah to investigate reports that a flying sasquath with bat-like wings has been stealing Jimmy John subs. And yes, I also explored the shores of Africa in search of a Nessy like monster called, The Badoone.

  I suppose its just easier for me to believe in creatures, because there's more of a scientific possibility they could be real. How many new animals are discovered every day that people never knew existed? Maybe that's what these creatures are. Just animals who we have yet to discover or over millions of years, forgot about.

  But ghosts??? You're telling me I'm supposed to believe that because my grandpa forgot to give my grandma a 15 cent ring he won for her before he died, his spirit now is at unrest and and doomed to haunt this world forever... I don't think so.

  I loved my grandpa and all, but if there was an all day Martha Stewart marathon on tv and the remote was sitting on the coffee table in front of him, he would rather just watch Martha Stewart all day rather than move the three feet to get the remote. So, what makes you think he's going to put forth all that effort just to come back from the dead.

  This is why I have trouble accepting that ghosts are real. But leave it to needing a new pair of Underoos to throw the proverbial spectral monkey wrench in that belief.

  My girlfriend and I had to go to Kohl's to get me a new pair of Spider-Man Underoos. Why Kohl's? Simple. That's where you can get the high quality well made Underoos.

  it didn't take long for me to find what i was looking for. In fact, in under ten minutes, I found three different sets of Underoos. I got two Spider-Man sets, one Avengers themed set and a pair of Doctor Who dress socks.

  After all, is there a better way to express to someone how much their event means to you than wearing some Spider-Man Underoos and a pair of black dress socks with a Dalek stitched on the side in white thread.

  I have to admit, I was pretty excited about my haul, but before we left the store, I figured we could walk around for a bit. My girlfriend had had a pretty hard week and I thought maybe we could find some thing to bring that beautiful smile back to her face.

  It took all of five minutes to complete this quest, because unbeknownst to me, Kohl's had begun selling Disney products.

  They had t-shirts and DVDs and cups and plates and framed cells and little stuffed animals, but none of that seemed to attract her attention. The only thing that made her eyes light up was a giant version of Mike leaning against the back wall.  You know Mike, one of the main characters in the movie, Monster University. It stood about four feet high and was the low, low price of $500.

  Unfortunately, I had just had the transmission in my truck replaced and remembered that I wasn't Donald Trump. So, instead of buying Mike, we did the next best thing. My girlfriend cuddled up to Mike and I took their picture. Her smile was still intact and we still got to bring something home. A win-win in my book... that is until I actually looked at the picture later that night.

  At first, I was mad at myself because I thought I had messed up the picture. It was all blurry. However, upon closer inspection I realized only a blob in the lower center of the picture was blurry and slightly see through while the rest was in perfect focus.

  And it wasn't just a blob. The more I looked at it the easier it became to pick out an arm and then a body and then legs. Even though it looked as if the lower half of the body was still forming I could still make them out.

  Not to mention, there was no one else around when I took the picture. Yet there was obviously someone there or something that looked like a someone.

  I spent the entire night trying to come up with a logical explanation for the image, but as dawn's light started to creep through the window I finally admitted I might have taken a picture of a  ghost. a real live.. well not alive, but you know what I mean... ghost.

Over the next few days I continued to search for any logical theory that could explain away the ghostly form. I also began doing a little research on Kohl's hoping to find that no tragic events had taken place there, because if nothing bad had happened then there couldn't be any ghosts. I struck out even there. It turns out that in 1983 a girl died when her pant leg got caught in the escalator. If only her parents had been watching her.

  I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit that I did take a picture of a ghost of that ghosts are real, but i have included the photo here anyway. Maybe one of you will be able to tell me what you think is in the picture.

Picture of a possible ghost girl taken
at Kohl's

Love. Now That's The Spirit

  I have never been one to have alot of rules when it comes to dating or love. It's hard out there, and if you can find someone who makes you happy then I say go for it. Unless of course, that love involves an animal or someone under the age of 18. That will get you into a little trouble, but anything else is fair game.

  People try to put so many restrictions on who they date. They want the person to make a certain amount of money or to be good looking or to believe in certain things or to be living. Sure, everyone has something the look for in a companion, but if you are willing to be a little flexible you maybe able to find that Mr. or Miss Right.

  For instance, Kesha recently announced the song, Supernatural, off her new cd is all about how compromising on one of her dating standards led to an amazing few days. She decided, it wasn't all that important if the guy she liked was alive or dead. As long as he had a good soul. Which if he hasn't moved on yet, might mean it isn't the best, but who am I to judge.

  I know their relationship didn't last long, but Kesha has had nothing but flattering things to say about her phantom paramour. She didn't go into any details about how they met. All she would say is that 'having sexy time' was amazing and that very few living guys ever made her feel the same. And yes, 'having sexy time' means what you think it means. Although, luckily she was vague on the details of that as well.

  The important thing to take away from this is that not being so picky in what you are looking for in a companion can lead to something wonderful and amazing. You could also say we learned that while you are alive you may not have a snowballs chance in hell of hooking up with Kesha, but once you are dead and a ghost, it's a whole new ball game.