The Dangers of Cleaning

  The weekend is finally here, and for the most part it should be a restful one. Spend some time with friends, go to a party or two, watch a little tv and just plain relax. The thing is, while the weekend is a time for fun, it also heralds the arrival of some darker moments. Moments that cause me to actually cringe as I type this. I'm talking about...about...cleaning. (dum-de-dum-dum)

  I know I know. A lot of you are reading this and thinking, "what's so bad about cleaning? It makes your house look good and presents a positive image of yourself when people come over." All of which is true. You know what I call people who clean their house to perfection? I call them wreckless daredevils. It's obvious to me that these people are either thrill seekers or worse, ignorant of the dangers that lay before them.

  Come on people, have you never seen a movie? Your house is full of dangers when it comes to cleaning. In the kitchen there is the garbage disposal. Do you like your hand? Everytime you put your hand down that gaping maw you are engaging in a game of Russian Roulette. Think you are safer in the living room with your nice big tv? You probably are. At least until you begin cleaning your tv stand and the cat jumps on top of the tv causing it to tip over on to you. Pancake City.

  If you survive those challenges unscathed don't get to cocky. There is still one danger ahead of you. The bathroom. The bathroom is the most dangerous room in the house. Not because of any appliance or because you might slip. No, there is something ominous that lives in your bathroom. Specifically inside your toilet. I'm talking about the Potty-dile. (insert any horror film terror-filled scream here.)

  The Potty-dile is a vicious creature. It is a very territorial creature and does not not take kindly to people disturbing its home. The Potty-dile lives in a very fragile eco-system. So, when you lift that toilet seat with cleaner in hand, the Potty-dile senses the danger to its habitat and responds. And while realize it is just an animal protecting its home and possibly young, it doesn't take away the anger I feel at being made afraid to enter my own bathroom.

  I've challenged the creature a few times but to be honest, most weekends I don't feel like risking my life just so my toilet can smell like lemons. Frak that.

So, if you come over to my house and are a little put off that there are some things around my sink or toilet, please keep in mind the danger you want me to experience on your behalf. If living means there is a spot of toothpaste on my sink or the toilet paper roll isn't on the roller, then I choose life. Uh Oh Spaghetti-o's.

And so it begins....

  So here it is folks, the all important first post. The Greeting post. I believe this is where I am supposed to explain the motivation behind my blog and I guess tell a little about myself. Far be it for me to go against social convention, however don't expect something lengthy and super revealing. We have to have a little mystery in our relationship.

  I picked the title 'Chronicles of a Would-be Superhero' because I think we all have a little something inside of us that wants that 'dare to be great' hero moment. A chance to show how truly unselfish we can be, and help someone whether they are family, friends or that dude down the street who still wears parachute pants and thinks Vanilla Ice is ready to make a comeback. I think I am just like everyone else in this respect, granted most people don't ask questions like "I wonder if I get hit by lightning if I would develop super speed" or "Do you think if I get bit by a radioactive spider I would get the proportional strength and speed of a spider?"

As for the reason behind the blog, well let's just say I think the world is a little to serious at times. See simple.

Now when it comes to me, here are the simple basics. I work two jobs, have an awesome girlfriend, a pet lizard and an outstanding recipe for mashed potatoes and jelly beans. (You heard me.) I know all too well how serious life can be, which is probably why I choose not to take it as such. I could go on, but let's leave a little mystery. Seriously, did you expect me to go all Dr. Phil the first post.